Catch Me If You Can
by pixelatrix
Summary: "The question is what do you want?" Fem Shep & Hackett/Fem Shep & Massani. Very AU. Slight Spoilers for ME2 & ME3. Rated M for Language & Stuff.
1. Prologue

**Prologue.**

**A/N: **

**This is COMPLETELY AU. Just a warning. **

**It's been pointed out that in my other romance triangle story, Complicated. I kinda made Hackett a jackass. So…I decided to write another one where he isn't a jackass. This is _not_ related to any of my other fics.**

**Hackett/Shep & Zaeed/Shep triangle.**

**Also, HD-Spartan gave me the idea for a story where Hackett is in command of a ship. Letticiae wanted an AU story where Shepard is a pirate.**

**So…my brain decided to have fun with both ideas. Shepard steals the Normandy after destroying the Collectors base. She decides NOT to head to Earth. What's a little piracy amongst friends? Hackett decides to take personal involvement in the hunt to bring her back to the Alliance.**

**Shepard is definitely renegade in this. Earth-born. Biotic. **

**Rated M for language...and…I think this story might get a little kinky at some point, fair warning.**

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

"Have you lost your mind, Commander? You stole the _Normandy_." Hackett looked…angry. He was sexy like this. She might have to provoke him more often.

"I left Cerberus. The Alliance hasn't _taken_ me back. They want to toss me in the goddamn brig. And technically, possession is nine-tenths of the law." Shepard grinned at Hackett. "So…I didn't _steal_ the damn ship. It's mine."

"Shepard."

"Are you going to stop me?" She was on the precipice of playing a dangerous game with Hackett. It was kind of a turn on. His silence answered the question in her mind. "That's what I thought."

"Is that a challenge, Shepard?"

"Not for me. You sit in your fucking cushy office in Arcturus and I'm supposed worry about it?" Shepard baited the Admiral further. She'd always wondered if anything could ruffle Hackett's smooth control.

"This is not a joke."

"Am I laughing?" She cocked her head to the side. "What's the matter, Admiral? Not used to someone ignoring your orders?"

"You will regret this, Commander." The gleam in Hackett's eyes gave her a moment of concern. Not concern, a deeper emotion that she wasn't even going to consider.

"I don't believe in regrets. And I thought the Alliance made it clear that I am no longer a Commander." Shepard fell back on anger to keep her confused feelings at bay. "You can't have it both ways, Hackett. Either I'm part of the team or I'm not. If I'm not, then fuck off. Good bye, Admiral."

"So what, we're goddamn pirates now?"

Shepard glanced over her shoulder to find Massani watching her with an amused look on his face. "You have a problem with that? You have something better to do with your time."

"No, but not everyone is going to feel the same way," he shrugged.

"I can be very persuasive." She strode past him and pointedly ignored the fact that he was staring at her ass.

Shepard had no intention of turning into a criminal overnight. She preferred to think of it as playing Robin Hood. The Shadow Broker had mentioned a need for a fast ship to raid mercenary groups and deliver the goods to colonies in desperate need. That was a mission that she could sell to most of the crew. If they didn't like it, they could go with god.

In the end, everyone elected to stay on the ship except Samara and Kelly Chambers. Shepard _was_ surprised when Lawson and Taylor stayed. They were disillusioned by the Illusive Man. She told Kasumi to keep an eye on them anyway. She didn't trust them completely. The _Normandy_ headed for Hagalaz first. Liara wanted to go over a few ideas that she had.

**A/N: So…worth continuing?**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: **

**Rated M for language...and…I think this story might get a little kinky at some point, fair warning. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

The Shadow Broker siphoned credits into an account for Shepard to use. She also set up a secure terminal in her quarters that would allow the Commander to contact anyone without being traced. Shepard already had an idea for whom to contact first.

But first, they found a Blood Pack relay on Tarith. With that taken care of, T'soni wanted Shepard to intercept a smuggler that had attacked a medical supply ship. They _diverted_ the supplies back to their original destination – Horizon. Massani and Grunt joined her in the trip down to the planet to offload the crates.

"Heads up, Shepard." Zaeed pointed at an Alliance shuttle landing nearby.

"Get this shit off the shuttle, _now._" Shepard watched hidden in the shadows as Hackett stepped out of the blue Kodiak. _What the fuck_ _was he doing here?_ And in fucking armor? Armor. Hackett had armor.

We need to get the fuck out of her, Shepard." Zaeed tossed the last of the supplies out of their Kodiak.

"I need a distraction." She counted at least three soldiers in Hackett's squad. "I want to _talk_ to the Admiral."

"Are you insane?" Massani yanked her back inside the shuttle.

"Hey Grunt, think you can adequately distract all those Alliance soldiers for a few minutes?" Shepard pulled away from Zaeed and shoved the hyper Krogan in the general direction of the three men.

Grunt clearly felt that distraction translated into a fight. He had all the soldiers on the ground brawling within seconds. Shepard chuckled under her breath while she snuck up behind Hackett. She relived him off his weapon before he even noticed that she was there. She clamped her hand around his arm and dragged him into one of the nearby pre-fab buildings. It was thankfully empty when they got inside.

"Why the HELL are you on Horizon?" She blocked the exit and kept _his_ gun pointed at _him._

"You."

"You have armor." She was once again distracted by the obvious.

"Did you start a brawl just to tell me that?" He pressed forward until the gun in her hand was resting against his chest.

"What…"

He wrapped his fingers firmly around her wrist and forcibly lowered the pistol. "I always accept challenges. And you should keep that in mind, Shepard."

"Let go of my wrist or I'll demonstrate how every effective my biotics can be." Shepard made her second critical error of the day; she glared up into his eyes. He was closer than she anticipated. Close enough to get a better look at the emotions swirling in his blue eyes, he was too damn close.

She expected him to yell at her or to slap a pair of cuffs on her wrists and drag her back to his shuttle. Instead, with his free hand, he grabbed her by the collar of her chest plate and held her still. His lips now hovered just over hers. She couldn't resist. She tried to strain forward to close the miniscule distance between them. But he was holding her firmly in place.

"You don't get to control _this_, Commander." His voice was barely a whisper.

"Are you trying to seduce me or arrest me, _Admiral_?" She knocked him back and froze him in place with a biotic stasis. She pinched his ass on the way out. "Control that."

The shuttle was in the air before the stasis finally evaporated and released the Admiral. Shepard still found it amusing hours later in her quarters. Liara had intel on a possible batarian raid on one of the outer human colonies, they _Normandy_ was en route to stop it. Shepard decided to give her shiny new secure terminal a whirl.

* * *

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Unknown_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_From: User Name Withheld_

_19:00 S: I have your pistol_

_19:01 S: Want it back?_

_19:03 S: That sounds like a really bad metaphor._

_19:05 S: Has anyone ever told you that you look really good in armor?_

_19:15 S: Stop trying to trace the connection, I've been told that it's impossible._

_19:17 S: A wizard did it._

_19:27 S: I hate talking to myself. Are you not there or are you just ignoring me?_

_19:30 H: Send the Shadow Broker my greetings._

_19:31 H: So you're a pirate who delivers medical supplies now?_

_19:33 S: Some days._

_19:34 H: And other days are you storming castles?_

_19:36 S: It's not really any of your goddamn business, is it?_

_19:39 H: I disagree._

_19:41 S: Of course you do._

_19:43 H: You're killing your career._

_19:45 S: What career? The Alliance hung me out to dry when I was resurrected. _

_19:47 H: I didn't._

_19:56 S: No, no you didn't. But you aren't the defense committee, or Anderson or Alenko or other Alliance officers like Atwell._

_19:59 H: Becoming a pirate is just proving their point._

_20:01 S: Do I look like a give a fuck? I'm doing more good like this than I would in the goddamn brig._

_20:03 S: So why the __hell_ _were you on Horizon?_

_20:04 H: I've taken command of the SSV Ain Jalut. I'm leading the hunt for a rogue Alliance Commander named Shepard._

_20:18 H: Worried?_

_22:21 S: No._

_22:23 H: You sure about that, Shepard?_

_22:25 User has disconnected_

* * *

_Bastard_

_Hot fucking bastard._

_Shit._

Shepard needed a diversion. She headed down to deck four to chat with Massani. He told the best stories. And he wasn't _goddamn Admiral Steven Hackett_. The Admiral knocked her off her game. _Stop thinking about him._ He did look good in his armor. _Shit._

"Beer?" She dangled one of the two bottles in her hands in front of the bounty hunter. He grabbed it. They tapped bottle necks together in a salute. "I'm surprised that you stuck around, Massani."

"I have ulterior motives," he shrugged.

"Oh?" She took a sip of beer.

"I'm planning on sleeping with you at some point." He calmly drank his beer.

Shepard sprayed beer all over herself. He tossed her a towel that she used to mop up the lager.

"Was it something I said?" He chuckled before continuing with his beer.

_Men._

He moved on to other topics. She finished her beer while he talked about some of the times with the Blue Suns before Vido had betrayed him. She tossed her beer in the trash and headed back to her quarters where she found a vid-comm request on her _secure_ terminal. _The fuck?_

"It's not like you to run from a conversation." Hackett remarked when she finally answered the hail.

She had not drunk enough beer to deal with him. "What do you want from me?"

"You'll see."

"Admiral." Shepard held up a hand. She was too goddamn sober for this shit. "I'll be right back."

She ducked over to grab the bottle of ryncol that Wrex had sent to her via Liara. God bless the fucking bastard. She took a long swig from the bottle. Krogans knew had to fucking make _knock you on your ass_ liquor. She walked back around to the comm already feeling slightly buzzed. She set the bottle on the desk.

"I think we should talk about you turning yourself in and surrendering the _Normandy_." Hackett frowned when she reached for the bottle. "Is that ryncol?"

"No. And maybe."

"Shepard." His voice held that edge that ended to send warm feelings to her _private_ parts.

"Yes." She needed goddamn vat of the Krogan firewater to handle Hackett when he was like this. "And no, I'm not fucking _conceding _a goddamn thing to the Alliance."

"Think about it." His voice went back to normal, and it was equal parts relief and disappointment.

"Ok." She was silent for a moment. "The answer is still no."

"Goddamn it, Shepard. Are you trying to ruin _everything_ that you worked so damn hard for?" Hackett snapped at her in frustration.

"I died, I'm a fucking footnote in the history of the Alliance." Shepard drank another shot. "I don't have anything left to ruin. But for once, I'm doing good with strings attached. I'm making a goddamn difference to the colonists that your _precious_ navy likes to forget about it."

"I think you've had enough ryncol." He watched her take yet another drink.

Shepard peered closely at the holo-image of the Admiral. "Funny, you don't' _look_ like my mother."

"And yet the temptation to take you over my knee and spank you is growing stronger." He spoke with that goddamn edge again.

"That's…" Shepard just stared at him for a moment. She grabbed for the ryncol again. "I need more booze."

"Shepard."

"You do that on purpose." She shook the now half-empty bottle at the vid-comm screen.

He raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

"The voice thing."

"Voice thing?"

"You…" She pointed the bottle at him this time. He might have a point about too much alcohol. She was feeling really fuzzy headed. "You drop your tone and there's that edge and you. It's… It makes my...me…goddamn it, I need another drink."

A knowing smile slowly spread across Hackett's face.

"Stop that." She glared at him.

"For the sake of your head in the morning, put the goddamn bottle down." He looked concerned but not enough to change his goddamn tone of voice. He also looked a little blurry.

"No."

"Shepard."

"Good night, Admiral." Shepard ended the connection.

_Fucking enigmatic bastard._


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: **

**This chapter got a little longer than anticpated.**

**Rated M for language...and…I think this story might get a little kinky at some point, fair warning. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

Shepard folded her arms across her chest and glared in annoyance at Joker. "I said _yes._"

"We are not going to Elysium. Have you lost your mind?" Joker looked over at Massani for support.

"Jeff is right to be concerned, Commander. The probability of being noticed on a colony like Elysium is greatly increased," EDI added her two cents worth.

"Liara needs a terminal hacked. I can hack it. I'll be back before you know it." Shepard felt her temper starting to rise. "Why is this even _up_ for debate? Last time I checked, I was in command of the goddamn ship. Fly to the Vetus System."

Joker sighed, "don't expect me to visit you in the brig."

"I'll be fine." Shepard headed away from the bridge with Zaeed keeping pace beside her. "Spit it out Massani."

"Glass boy is right. _Everyone_ on that goddamn colony knows who you are. You can't possibly blend in down there." Zaeed grabbed her arm when she started to walk away.

Shepard held up her omni-tool. She fiddled with it for a second and then she disappeared from view. "I got a tactical cloak upgrade. They'll never know that I'm there."

"Take one of us with you." He released her invisible arm.

"No." She dropped the cloak. "I'm not arguing with you. It's my goddamn ship."

"I'm just here for the sex anyway." He grinned at her.

"Keep dreaming, Massani." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Every goddamn night." He stepped into the elevator and disappeared from view.

A couple of hours later, Shepard finished up the hack on one of the Alliance terminals in a recruiting office. It had been the easiest system to reach. With a bit of luck, it would grant them access to information about colonies in need of help and keep them up to date on what the Alliance knew about the reaper invasion. She ducked out of the building and started to head to the rendezvous point on the outskirts of the colony. The Kodiak would pick her up in another hour or two.

Outside one of the nearby restaurants, a cluster of Alliance officers stood chatting. A familiar figure stood at the edge of the group. _Hackett_. Before Shepard could talk herself out of it, she changed course and crossed over towards them. Her cloak allowed her to get right up behind him without being noticed.

_What the hell was she doing? This was such a bad idea._

Shepard reached up and nudged the cap off his head. She clamped her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. He shoved his hat back on his head then looked around in confusion for the culprit. She released the breath she'd been holding when he finally turned back to his companions.

Unable to resist the temptation, her fingers brushed through the silver hair that peeked out from the back of his hat. His shoulders tensed at the touch and she jumped back just before his hand shot out. She bit her lip to keep her laughter contained when he grabbed nothing but air.

_Leave. Leave. Leave._

Arguing with herself wasn't working. She started to reach for him again when the reminder alert on her omni-tool beeped…loudly.

_Shit._

_Fuck._

_Shit._

_Run idiot._

Hackett spun around to locate the sound. Shepard bolted before the fucking thing chirped again. Her cloak flickered as she disappeared around the corner. _Fuck._ Hopefully, the Admiral had looked the other direction. She hid in an alley and tried to fix the _goddamn _cloak. This was the last time that she was going to trust T'soni's fucking _prototypes. _ It was like that goddamn hack on the Shadow Broker's vessel all over again. She reset the cloak and waited impatiently for it to come back up again.

_Thirty more minutes before the shuttle arrives._

"Are you lost, _Shepard?_"

_Shit._

_Joker was never going to let her live this shit down…ever._

She turned slowly to find a highly amused Hackett blocking the only exit out of the alley. He was alone which was the only good thing.

"Were you _enjoying_ yourself back there?" He began slowly walking towards her.

Shepard glanced down at her omni-tool; the cloak still hadn't finished resetting itself. _Shit. _She looked back up to find Hackett barely a foot away. _Double shit._ She took a few steps back until she hit the wall that the alley dead-ended into.

He rested his hands on the wall behind her, trapping her between his arms. "Going so soon, Commander?"

"Yes. Move."

"Say, please." His voice dropped down a little and she barely stopped herself from saying it.

_Focus, Shepard. Focus._

She glanced at him and pressed her lips into a thin line. The time flickered on a sign on one of the buildings in the distance. _Shit. _The shuttle would be landing in ten minutes. She didn't have time to deal with Hackett.

Remembering a move that Hack had demonstrated once, Shepard dropped to her knees then rolled away from the Admiral. She leapt to her feet and started for the alley. A strong hand clamped around her wrist.

"I _am_ not done with you." Hackett jerked her tightly against his body. "I haven't even started yet."

Shepard raised her hand which was starting to glow blue. Before he could react, she froze him in place. That stasis was fucking useful. She started out of the alley, stopping mid-step, she backtracked to steal his hat. She reached the landing zone just as the shuttle touched down.

When she got up to her quarters, she set the hat on the shelf above her little hamster. It didn't surprise her to find a flashing light on her terminal; she decided to let him stew in his annoyance for a while. She headed down to the mess to find Massani and Garrus trading stories.

"Here," Zaeed tossed a beer at her. "Heard you came back with a souvenir."

Shepard dropped into one of the chairs and opened the bottle. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Joker saw the hat," Garrus informed her.

"Which means _everyone_ knows about it." Gardiner set a plate of food in front of her.

"The spoils of war." Shepard decided to ignore the bastards and eat dinner in silence. She glanced up once the plate was empty to find Massani was the _last man standing._

"Got a minute, Shepard?" He slid a second beer across the table to replace her empty one.

"Sure."

"How long do you intend to play pirate?" He sat across from her at the table.

"Until there's no one left to help, or I'm dead. I have no intention of turning myself into the Alliance." Shepard twisted off the bottle cap.

"You intend to _surrender_ to the owner of that goddamn hat." Zaeed gave her a knowing look.

Shepard flicked the bottle top at him. "No, I don't."

"You're lying to yourself, Shepard." He caught the top and tossed it up in the air.

"Your minute is up." Shepard grabbed her beer and headed for the elevator. She'd had enough of overbearing men for one damn day.

The goddamn light on the terminal mocked her. She finished the beer and tossed it in the disposal. The light turned out to be a vid-comm hail. She put _his hat_ on her head and answered the request. She tapped her fingers absently while the comm tried to establish a connection. Finally, Hackett appeared on the screen.

"Lose something, Admiral?" She tipped his hat at him in a mock salute.

"I have another one."

Shepard coughed loudly to hide her laughter. "Moreau owes me fifty damn credits. We've had a wager going since the original _Normandy_ that you have a hat for every damn day._"_

"I'm glad you find this all so very amusing." Hackett gave her a tired look.

"Always." She leaned back against the wall.

"We need to talk."

"We _are_ talking. " She tossed the hat back on the shelf and shook her hair out. _Hat hair was not attractive._

"Face to face," he corrected.

"Do I look like an idiot?" She resumed her position with her arms across her chest.

"I _want_ to talk to you, just you, no Alliance, no goddamn biotic stasis, no interference from your crew." Hackett switched tone of voice to the one that made her nervous.

_Fucker. _

"I've never been so fucking happy to be a biotic." Shepard smirked at him.

"We need to meet." Hackett ignored the smirk.

"_Need_ is such a strong word." She _needed_ to end this damn conversation.

"_Shepard."_ There was a command in that one word that had nothing to do with his fucking rank.

She opened her mouth to say no, but what come out was, "where?"

_Shit._

"Illium."

"Interesting choice." She was already having second and third thoughts.

"It's neutral territory." He gave her a long look before continuing, "do _not_ disappoint me, Shepard."

"Fine. But I get to pick the place on Illium." Shepard shifted from one foot to the other. This was a terrible idea.

"Agreed. Hackett out."

_What the fuck was she doing?_

"Joker?" Shepard pressed a button in the comm.

"Yes?"

"Set a course for Illium. And tell Massani to get his ass up here." She needed a plan, one that didn't rely on the fucking tactical cloak.

"I brought beer." Zaeed handed her a bottle.

Shepard gulped down the whole damn bottle without taking a breath.

"Where are you meeting him?" He gave her a knowing look.

"Illium."

"And you want an escape plan." He stepped down into her living area.

"How? Nevermind, yes." She sank down on the couch.

"Use T'soni's old office." He suggested after thinking for a few minutes. "It's got those massive windows which means you can escape through them if necessary. There's no _goddamn_ bed."

She tapped her fingers absently on her leg for a moment. "That's not bad, Massani."

"Why are you going?" He sat on the edge of the coffee table so their knees were touching.

"I have no fucking idea." She scratched her jaw for a moment.

"I'll give you an hour. If you aren't back at the _Normandy_, I'm coming in and knocking him on his goddamn ass." Zaeed leaned forward with his hands on her knees.

The first kiss was slightly hesitant on her part. She hadn't been expecting it. He took advantage of the surprise to deepen the kiss. His tongue exploring her lips first and then her mouth. He shifted forward to press her back against the couch. Her fingers slid along his jaw while he eased her down on the couch.

"Commander? We're making the jump to Tasale. We should be docking on Illium in fifteen minutes." Joker's voice froze Zaeed in place.

"Thanks, Joker." Shepard dropped her head back on the cushion. She pushed Zaeed off of her with the palms of her hands. She covered her face with her hands for a moment, ignoring the deep chuckle coming from somewhere to the right. "Go away, Massani. I need to contact Liara before we get to Illium."

She didn't see him thirty minutes later when she stepped off the airlock. Joker mentioned that Massani and Garrus had already left. Liara had kept the office on Illium so she was more than happy to let Shepard borrow it. She found herself pacing the office moments later. This was a stupid idea. She started for the door only to find Hackett waiting on the other side.

_Shit._

It was the first time that she could remember seeing him out of an Alliance uniform, aside from the armor on Horizon. He was wearing dark jeans, a black t-shirt and a black leather jacket. _Fucking hell._ She backed away from him and took a seat on the edge of Liara's desk.

"You wanted to talk in person, so talk." She gripped the edge of the desk with her hands.

He didn't speak. He just stood in the center of the room watching her intensely. It vaguely reminded her of the first day of basic training when her drill instructor stared her down to see if she'd blink first. She hadn't. She bit at her thumbnail to resist the urge to say something…anything…to fill the quiet that enveloped the room.

"I want you to do something for me." Hackett finally broke the silence.

"What?"

"Turn yourself in."

It wasn't what he said that pissed her off. It was the way he said it. He was using that goddamn edge against her. That was hitting below the belt…literally. She might not know what this thing between them was, but she wouldn't let him use it to get her back in the Alliance fold.

"Stop right there, asshole." She surged off the desk and pushed him away from her with both hands. "You know what that does to me. I don't understand it but you seem to. And if you think that you can use it against me to force me to surrender myself and my fucking ship, you've got another goddamn thing coming. That's fucked up, Hackett."

"Shepard."

"No." She stormed past him. She paused at the door. "This intrigues me, I won't deny it. "

He grabbed her by the arm and yanked her hard against his body for the second time in as many days. "We aren't done talking."

"Oh yes we are." She struggled out of his grasp.

"Stop."

She stopped moving and it took a moment for her to realize that she had. _Fuck._

"Oh yes, this has potential." He slid a hand around to grip the back of her neck tightly. "I will hunt you down and bring you back to the defense committee. But I will promise not to use…_this_…to convince you."

Shepard heard a sound at the door and realized that her hour was up. "I recommend that you let me go before…"

"Before what?" The hand on her neck forced her to move closer to him.

"Before I knock your goddamn ass on the floor." Zaeed threw a quick punch that caught Hackett on the jaw when he turned towards the bounty hunter.

Shepard winced when the Admiral dropped to the ground. "That's gonna hurt."

Zaeed grabbed her back the collar of her shirt and hauled her out of the office. "That didn't look like talking, Shepard."

"Shut it, Massani." Shepard glanced back to see Hackett starting to get to his feet. "Shut it and walk fucking faster."


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: **

**Rated M for language...and…I think this story might get a little kinky at some point, fair warning. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

Shepard leaned around the corner to get a better view of the Alliance marines that were slowly clearing the building below that they had just occupied. Zaeed and Garrus stood just behind her. They were trying to figure out the easiest way to get back to the fucking shuttle which was on the other fucking side of a wide open field.

_They were fucked._

She sighted one of the soldiers through the scope of her sniper rifle. They never fired on Alliance soldiers, ever. It was the only rule that she enforced on the _Normandy._ It made escaping complicated. _Shit_. Hackett was part of the group. That really made things complicated.

"Massani?"

Zaeed inched forward towards her. "What's up, Shepard?"

"Whatever the hell happens, do not let me…" Her voice trailed off while she watched the squad below them.

"Shepard?" Massani shifted again so that he could see what she was seeing.

"He's down there. I am not fucking turning myself in. Do _not_ let me go near him." Shepard felt like she was a goddamn alcoholic ordering him to keep her away from the ryncol.

He frowned down at her for a moment. "We're gonna have a long chat when we get back to the goddamn _Normandy. _You hear me, Shepard?"

She waved him away but nodded in agreement. "I hear you but mostly because you don't know how to fucking whisper."

"We need a diversion." Garrus moved up to join the conversation. "A very large, very loud diversion."

"I have an idea," Shepard remarked after looking the area over very carefully. She pointed her weapon towards a large cluster of fuel canisters in the farthest edge of the Blues Suns compound. "Garrus, think you can hit one of those canisters?"

"That's a rhetorical question, I assume." Garrus already had his sniper rifle up.

Timing it perfectly was the difficult part. With a dead-on shot from Vakarian, they snuck across the field ducking periodically while a succession of explosions occurred to the right. She'd been correct in thinking the detonations would draw the Alliance squad's attention.

It hadn't drawn _all_ their attention. Shepard made the dash for the shuttle first only to find the largest marine that she'd ever seen leaning against the door with a grin on his face. He was kind of hot.

"Admiral? I've got Shepard." The man spoke into his comm with an overwhelming air of confidence.

"I don't want to shoot you." She looked closely at his armor, "Lieutenant."

"The feeling is mutual, Commander." He kept his shotgun focused on her. "Lieutenant James Vega at your service, ma'am."

"You could do me a service and move the fuck away from my Kodiak. I try not to injure soldiers with the Alliance insignia." Shepard holstered her rifle.

"I can't do that, Commander." Vega looked slightly regretful.

Shepard caught sight of a _Forever Normandy_ pin on his armor. _Shit._ It wouldn't take long for the rest of his squad to arrive. She threw a biotic pulse at the Lieutenant and knocked him off his feet. A second one sent him flying away from their shuttle.

"How the hell are they finding us so fucking fast?" Shepard threw her helmet across the shuttle. "We have most untraceable ship in the goddamn fleet.

"That _is_ odd." Garrus picked up her helmet and set it on a seat.

"Odd? It's bloody inconvenient," Massani muttered.

Shepard sent a short message to Liara from her omni-tool. If there was a hole in the _Normandy _security, it needed to be fixed immediately. T'soni would find the problem. Massani trailed her all the way up to her quarters.

"Come in?" She rolled her eyes when he made himself at home on her couch. "You could've brought scotch."

"You drink too bloody much." He propped his feet up on the table.

"Did you get a personality transplant? Zaeed 'I bleed scotch' Massani can't possibly be lecturing me on alcohol intake." She dropped on the couch next to him and set her feet up beside his.

"Fair point." He bumped her with his shoulder.

"Did you really want to chat about my drinking habits?" She elbowed him in the side.

"If you can't separate the bedroom from the battlefield, you need to stay on the goddamn ship." He placed a finger over her lips before she could argue. "I'm serious, Shepard, I don't want to see you rot in the fucking brig like a goddamn criminal. Your Admiral Hackett won't stop until his caught you in bed and then in the fucking brig."

"Talk about being screwed twice," Shepard spoke around his fingers.

"You don't belong in jail, sweetheart." He dropped his arm back down to his side.

"Where do I belong?" Shepard winked at him

"In that goddamn bed, screaming my name." He smirked at her.

"Massani?"

He looked at her expectantly.

"Out." She pointed towards the door.

"Women."

"Next time, bring fucking scotch." She yelled before he got to the door.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: **

**Rated M for language...and…I think this story might get a little kinky at some point, fair warning. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

Ignoring the messages and incoming hails from Hackett had proven easier than anticipated. The _Normandy_ was en-route to check out a Blue Suns base on Sanctum. Massani had wisely kept his further thoughts about what happened on the previous mission to himself. She doubted that his silence would last for much longer if she didn't get better control over whatever the fuck this was.

She looked over the latest reports on the reapers until she thought her eyes would cross permanently. She might be a _rogue_ whatever but it didn't mean she intended to let the giant machines take over without a fight. A beep at her terminal drew her attention. _Another goddamn vid-comm hail. _She pulled up her omni-tool and fired off a message to him.

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: What…_

…_do you want?_

_S._

* * *

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: What…_

_Answer the goddamn hail._

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: No._

_S._

* * *

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: No?_

_Shepard._

_Answer the hail._

_Hackett  
_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: re: No?_

_No._

_S._

* * *

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: No?_

_I dislike repeating myself._

_Answer the hail._

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: What a coincidence._

_I hate repeating myself too._

_No, now tell me what is so goddamn important._

_S._

* * *

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: No_

_I refuse to have this conversation via message._

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: Refusal_

_What a shame._

_I'm busy._

_S._

* * *

Pissing off Hackett shouldn't be so damn amusing; it was clearly a personality flaw of hers. Joker let her know that they were in shuttle range of the target. Massani and Garrus joined her on the trip planet-side. Zaeed was always up for taking out more Blue Suns.

They started cleaning out the facility room by room. They were half-way through when a goddamn Alliance shuttle landed. The Blue Suns were now pinned between two sets of invaders. Shepard scoped out one of the engineers and caught a glimpse of Hackett.

_How the fuck did he know where they were?_

"Shepard! We have to go _now._" Garrus dragged her around the corner to the waiting shuttle.

"I'm not leaving them." Shepard fought against his hold.

"They're trained Alliance officers. I'm sure they can handle a group of mercs." Garrus released her when she pointed her rifle at him.

"Keep the shuttle ready. I'll be right back."

Shepard raced back around the building to the firefight going on between the Alliance team that had been chasing the _Normandy_ and the Blue Suns that _she_ had been pursuing. She scanned the area for Hackett. He crouched behind a crate with a shotgun in hand. The Admiral focused his attention on a pair of troopers that were in front of him and not the heavy approaching from behind.

_Well fuck._

With her weapon drawn, she slid over a couple crates and unleashed a biotic throw that launched the heavy into the air. She unloaded her rifle into the fallen merc and then tossed the troopers with a second blast. Hackett's head spun around and he locked eyes with her.

"_Shepard!" _He caught up to her before she could dart away.

He backed her into one of the side rooms away from the fighting forces. She raised her rifle up but he knocked it to the ground. His hand caught both her wrists and raised her arms over her head.

"Aren't her wrists supposed to be behind her back if you're arresting her?" Zaeed tapped Hackett on the back with his gun. "Let her go, _now_, Admiral."

Shepard bent over to retrieve her rifle. She followed Zaeed out of the room though she glanced over her shoulder to wink at Hackett who did not appear to be amused. Massani gripped her by the arm and hauled her to the shuttle.

"You were going to use your biotics at some point, right?" He muttered under his breath while the shuttle headed back to the _Normandy._

"Eventually," she shrugged.

Massani rolled his eyes at her which sent her into a fit of laughter. He elbowed her in the side which didn't help matters because she felt out of her seat. "Bloody hell, are you drunk?"

"Not yet. Let's go visit Wrex. He's got ryncol." Shepard pulled herself back up.

"Save the trip, I'll bring a bottle of scotch up to your quarters," he offered.

Two hours later, they were swapping stories in her quarters and more than half-way through the bottle of liquor. She propped her feet up on the coffee table and leaned back further into the couch.

"What the fuck were you thinking down there, Shepard?" Zaeed poured them both another drink. "Are you _trying_ to get caught?"

"I'm still interested in how the hell they knew where we were." Shepard sipped the scotch slowly and completely ignoring his question. "Aren't we supposed to be untraceable?"

"Either Liara's got a leak or we do." Zaeed leaned back in the chair.

"Maybe it's not a leak." Shepard had a sudden idea. She stepped over to her intercom. "Joker?"

"Commander?"

"Do you use a secure connection for your _vid_ collection?" Shepard grinned at Zaeed.

"Uhm maybe?" Joker finally replied.

"Edi, please make sure that Joker's files and downloads are secure." Shepard moved over to feed the fish.

"Yes, Commander," Edi answered.

Shepard chuckled for a few minutes. "All Hackett had to do was search for the largest collection of porn downloads from ships. It would be stupidly simple to track our movements."

"Bloody pilot." Zaeed filled his glass again. "So are you trying to get caught?"

Shepard turned away from the aquarium. "No, I'm not."

His hand snaked out to grab her by the wrist. He pulled her down into his lap. "Then what the bloody hell _were _you doing?"

"Reverse interrogation psychology." Shepard grabbed the bottle of scotch and took a drink.

"I hope you had a fucking plan B then." He took the bottle from her and set it back on the table. "Your bloody terminal is flashing again."

Shepard twisted in his lap so she was straddling his legs. "Thanks for the scotch, Massani."

"How thankful are you, Shepard?" He rested his hands on her hips.

"Not that _bloody_ thankful." She started up off his lap.

His hand shot out gain to wrap around her neck. He pulled her down for a hard kiss, and then he moved to her neck. He kissed down her jaw and long her neck. Before she could move away, he bit the flesh just above her collarbone. She swatted him on the head with an annoyed sigh.

"You better not have left a goddamn mark." Shepard shifted over to the couch. "Don't you have a gun to oil?"

"I oil it every night." He smirked at her then headed for the door.

_Men._

It wasn't until she finished showering that she remembered the light on her terminal. Drying off quickly, she pulled on a tank-top and a pair of jeans. A glance in the mirror confirmed that Massani had indeed left a mark.

_Bastard._

The comm request was from Hackett. She answered it after pacing in front of the terminal for a while.

"Shepard." Hackett appeared on the comm screen. "You finally gave Moreau a secure channel for his vid addiction."

"Better luck next time, Admiral." Shepard took a sip from the glass of scotch that Massani had left. "So what was so fucking important that it had to be said over the comm?"

"You were supposed to be on Illium alone." Hackett reminded her.

"I was_ alone_." Shepard ran her finger along the top of the glass. "I didn't _stay_ that way."

"Massani seems to enjoy interfering." The look on Hackett's face said plainly that he didn't enjoy it.

She rubbed her neck for a moment, before asking, "and this is what you just had to tell me?"

"What the hell is on your neck?"

Shepard's hand froze on her neck.

_Shit._

It was too fucking complicated to explain. She reached out to disconnect the comm.

"Shepard." His voice slid just a little lower.

Her finger hesitated over the terminal. "Hackett?"

"What happened to your neck?" He reiterated his question. "Answer me, Shepard."

"I don't have to answer your questions." She emptied the glass of scotch.

"Oh, I think you do."

Shepard stared down at her empty glass. "It's a bite mark."

"A bite mark?"

"Why am I explaining myself to you?" Shepard disconnected the comm.

She gripped the edge of the desk and stared down at her knuckles as they started to turn white. She didn't understand the thread that seemed to be tied between herself and the Admiral. Her entire life and career revolved around being in total control of her world. And she kept all but handing control over to the fucker.

Her hand tightened painfully around the desk. She wanted a real answer. She made a decision. Her fingers flashed over the terminal to pull up the comm yet again. It took several minutes before Hackett appeared again.

"I…"

"Shepard?" His brows furrowed in concern.

"I don't understand this." She gestured between herself and his holo. "And we can't talk face to face because you're trying to drag me back to Earth."

"I am open to suggestions." Hackett spoke after thinking for a bit.

"Intai'sei."

"Isn't that in the Phoenix System?" Hackett looked confused.

"There's a small retirement home. I'll send you the coordinates. If you try to arrest me, I'll break my rules about shooting Alliance officers," Shepard warned. "In two days at 1600, one chance to talk with no strings attached."

"Agreed."


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: **

**Rated M for language...and…I think this story might get a little kinky at some point, fair warning. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

Two Days later, Shepard stood staring out the window at the swirling red sand. Joker was under strict orders to send the shuttle back for her in exactly three hours. She'd claimed that she needed some downtown alone. Hackett arrived at exactly 1600. He came alone. She stayed looking out across the desert. It was easier to deal with him with her back turned.

"Come here, Shepard." Hackett spoke first.

Her fists clenched at her sides. "Not yet.

"Why am I here?" Hackett tried a different tactic.

She just shrugged in response.

"Come. Here." This time, it didn't sound like a request.

Shepard didn't move, aside from turning around to face him. "Not yet."

"I want to see your neck."

Her head tilted to the side and she pointed her finger at her neck.

"Shepard."

She sighed and crossed the length of the room to stand in front of him. He grabbed her chin and tilted her head to the side. He touched a finger to the hickie that Zaeed had left on the lower part of her neck.

"Who?"

"She shrugged again.

Hackett moved closer. His hand moved from her chin to wrap around the back of her head. "Who have you been kissing?"

"That's not really any…" She trailed off when he met her gaze. "Massani."

"Massani? The bounty hunter?" Hackett seemed surprised. "Are you two seeing each other?"

"Every day," Shepard grinned. "We're on the same damn ship. It's kind of hard to miss him."

"Why _am_ I here?"

Shepard needed space to explain. She tried to step back but his hand gripped her hair tightly. He pulled her flush against him. Her hands came up to rest against his chest. She pushed against him and he finally released his hold on her. She paced the floor in front of him.

"You…" She rubbed her forehead vigorously with her fingers.

"Hey, hey, easy does it, Shepard." He gently pulled her hand away from her head.

"I control _everything_ in my life." Shepard kept her gaze on the hand holding hers. "But lately, you keep messing my head up. There's that goddamn tone in your…and…a look in your…and I'm just confused."

"Have you never experimented sexually at all?" Hackett's thumb began caressing her hand in slow circles.

"I've been a little busy with a career." The gentleness of his touch slowly relaxed some of the tension inside her. He eased her slowly back against his body.

"I won't force you to do anything that you don't want to do. Say no, and I'll walk away." He touched his fingers to her neck again. "But I don't play well with others, so I won't share what's mine."

She wriggled out of his grasp and went back over to the window. "I'm not going back to the Alliance. This can't possibly work. Your job is to drag me back in chains. Are we supposed to fuck in between you chasing me?"

"It'll work itself out somehow. I will try to bring you back but I promise not to use anything sexually related to coerce you." Hackett followed her over to the window. He stood behind her. "Turn around."

She started to turn around when an Alliance shuttle landing nearby caught her attention. It touched down between her house and her neighbors. "You goddamn bastard. You lied to me."

"No, I didn't." Hackett stepped closer but moved quickly back when she spun around with her pistol raised.

"Massani was right about you." Shepard kept an eye on the shuttle. "Do you know what I value above all else, Admiral?" I value honesty…and trust."

"Shepard."

"I've been honest with you, painfully so. I've…put my goddamn freedom at risk by coming here alone." She advanced on him with her gun drawn. "And you were what? Fucking playing games to distract me. Is that what this was all about? You were just using a weakness to your advantage."

"They aren't here for you," he insisted. "I don't know who they are. I brought my own goddamn shuttle."

"You came any closer and I _will_ shoot you." Shepard glanced over to see several men in blue armor getting out of the shuttle.

"Don't do it." Hackett started towards her.

She fired one shot. It hit the floor barely an inch from his foot. _A warning shot._ She spun around and fired a volley of bullets into the window. She dived through it while contacting Joker over her comm. She had him track her movements and send the shuttle to meet up with her. It was remarkably easy to hide in the sand storms.

Massani was waiting on the shuttle. As they took off, Shepard glanced down to notice that the blue shuttle was actually parked beside her neighbor's house. The marines were stepping inside. _Shit._ They hadn't been looking for her.

Hackett had told her the truth.

_Fuck._

"Do you want to talk about it, Shepard?" Zaeed took a seat beside her.

"I think I just fucked up," she shrugged.

"I prefer fucked to fucked up. Just drop two letters, you'll be fine." He grinned at her.

"My house won't. I shot the goddamn window." Shepard leaned forward and dropped her head into her hands. "Fuck."

_Six goddamn hours later._

* * *

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Unknown_

_To: Hackett_

_From: Shepard_

_01:37 S: The shuttle went to another house._

_01:43 S: I should've given you a chance._

_01:48 S: I'm sorry._

_02:06 User has disconnected._

* * *

Shepard paced in front of the comm for a while. The _Normandy _was heading back to Hagalaz to check in with Liara. She had some new reports that she didn't want to send even over secure channels. Shepard was about to head down to see Massani when her terminal beeped. She decided to ignore it. She continued down to the fourth deck.

"Shepard?" Massani looked up from the rifle that he was cleaning when she stepped into the cargo hold.

She strode towards him but stopping just before their bodies touched. Before she could say anything, he twisted in his seat until he was facing her. He grabbed her hips and tugged her between his legs. He smirked up at her. A calloused hand reached up to grab the neckline of her t-shirt. He dragged her down until they were eye to eye. He held her firmly and ran his tongue along her lips.

Where Hackett was complex, Zaeed was crystal clear in what he wanted from her. He used his hold on her to pull her closer. He started exploring her mouth with his tongue. It felt good…but she couldn't get Hackett out of her head.

_Fuck. Shit. Fuck._

_Bastards. Men._

It took all of her strength to step back from Massani. She snagged one of his bottles of scotch and departed as quickly as her shaking legs would carry her. She'd chugged half the bottle before she even got back into her quarters. She slammed the bottle on the desk next to her terminal. This was all getting way too confusing.

There was a hot fucking man on the fourth deck, who probably had a wicked case of blue balls, and…she hit a few buttons on her terminal. It was 0300 at this point. She drank another quarter of the scotch waiting for Hackett. She sure as hell hoped that Cerberus ad updated her liver while they were dicking around with her body.

"Shepard?" Hackett answered her comm request after a few minutes.

"I'm glad that I didn't shoot you." She grabbed the edge of the desk for support. Maybe drinking scotch that quickly was a bad idea. The holo-image blurred for a moment. "There's going to be a lot of sand in my house. Fuck."

"Are you drunk, Shepard?" Hackett watched her for a moment.

"Possibly." Shepard lost her balance and fell to the floor. "Definitely."

"Are you ok?"

Shepard lay on her back staring up at the ceiling. "That really depends on your definition of ok."

"Can you stand up?" Hackett sounded…concerned.

Shepard lifted her hand to wave it in front of the comm. "I'm happy on the floor."

"I had the glass replaced at your house before I left." Hackett was silent for a moment. "Why don't you call me when you're not drunk…or can at least stand?"

"I wasn't bloody finished with you." Zaeed stormed into her quarters without bothering to knock. He stopped just in front of the comm. He glanced first at Hackett and then at the Commander. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Massani. I don't believe we've met." Hackett's eyes narrowed. "What are you doing in Shepard's quarters?"

"Fuck off, Admiral. " Zaeed reached out and disconnected the comm. He crouched next to Shepard. "You've been up here all of thirty minutes and managed to drink another goddamn bottle of my scotch."

Shepard waved a hand in the general direction of his mouth. "Stop moving around."

"Ok, no more alcohol for you. You're gonna kill yourself." Zaeed helped her up off the floor.

She slid back down to the floor when he let go of her. "I'll just stay right here."

"Fucking lightweight."


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: **

**Rated M for language...and…I think this story might get a little kinky at some point, fair warning. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

_The light it burns._

It was the first thought that came to her mind when she woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. She had only the slightest recollection of the previous night. Hackett might have a point about her alcohol intake.

_Shit._

A flashing light on her terminal told her that Hackett had _a few words_ for her. Massani was nowhere to be seen. _Which aggravating male to deal with first?_ She closed her eyes for a few minutes. The pounding in her head didn't go away. She opened them and the light on the terminal was still there.

_Shit._

_Hackett._

At least the Admiral wasn't within touching distance; she dragged herself over to the comm. While she waited for it to connect, she grabbed a couple of aspirin and choked them down. Hackett appeared just as she was finishing the glass of water.

"Feeling a little hungover, are we?" Hackett gave her what felt like feigned sympathy from her side of the vid.

"Yea, about…" She massaged the back of her neck for a moment. "I am sorry about what happened on Intai'sei."

"I'm more interested in why the hell Zaeed Massani was in your quarters at 0300." The sympathy was definitely gone from the Admiral's face.

Shepard gave up on the massage. The tension in her neck wasn't going any-fucking-where. "I don't actually know. I'm pretty sure that I passed out on the floor before he could explain why he barged into my room."

"You need to stop drinking so much." He frowned at her in concern.

"Yes, mother." Her head throbbed too much to deal with the complex male issues in her life. "Can this wait until I can see straight and the aching in my head goes away?"

"I have a very simple question for you." He said after a prolonged silence.

Shepard laughed and immediately grabbed her head. _Ow. "_There is nothing fucking simple about you. Confusing bastard."

"Am I wasting my time with you?" Hackett chose to ignore her last statement.

"Yes. No." Shepard leaned back against the wall for support. _Did she want Hackett to stop pursuing her sexually? Maybe. No. But she did want him to stop trying to drag her back to the fucking Alliance._

_Damn fucking hangover._

"Well, which is it?" Hackett prompted.

"No. I mean yes. Or no?" Shepard covered her eyes with her hand. "What was the fucking question again?"

Hackett gave her a pained look. "Perhaps I should just stick to trying to bring you back to Earth."

Shepard was suddenly paying close attention to the conversation. "_What?"_

"You obviously have Massani to talk care of your _needs_. And it would make catching you a lot less conflicting for me if I weren't so distracted by you." If this was reverse psychology, it sucked.

_Bastard._

"But I…he isn't…we haven't." She really needed to stop talking _now._ The pain meds also needed to start kicking in.

_Shit._

"Shepard?" He clearly didn't intend to cut her any slack.

She dropped her head into her hands and massaged her temples for a moment. Maybe if the pounding in her head went away, she'd be able to think clearly enough to answer the impatient man.

"Look at me, Shepard." Hackett waited a moment but she had no intention of moving. _Moving hurt. Everything fucking hurt. _"That was _not_ a request."

Shepard had two choices. She could ignore him and it would definitely be over or answer the command in his voice and lift her head. She started to lift her head and someone knocked on her goddamn door.

_Fucking hell._

"Go away." Shepard yelled over her shoulder. She glanced at Hackett. "Not you. The idiot at the door."

"Open the goddamn door, Shepard." A familiar voice echoed through her quarters.

It was clearly _not_ going to be a good morning.

"You aren't wasting your time. I just don't know how…" Shepard paused when a fist pounded on her door. _Damn that fucking bounty hunter. _ She pointed at Hackett. "I will talk to you later."

She disconnected the comm and headed over to the door to find Zaeed standing impatiently on the other side.

"You hit that door one more time and I'm going to space you out the airlock." Shepard stood in the doorway blocking his attempt to step into her quarters. "What do you want, Massani?"

"You on that fucking bed."

_Ah._

"I…"

He didn't let her get any further. He grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her back inside her quarters. He lifted her up on her desk and pressed his leg between hers to separate them. His hold on her shoulders stopped her from moving when he leaned in to kiss her. She tried to lift her hands to touch him but his grip kept her still. His teeth grazed her lips before his tongue replaced them.

He stepped back and she almost fell off the desk. "When you fucking decide who you want to fuck, let me know."

By the time that she regained her equilibrium and her ability to speak, Zaeed was long gone. Against her better judgment, she stepped back in front of her terminal and reconnected with Hackett.

"Sorry, I had someone…I had to deal…look, I am clearly not functioning on all cylinders this morning." Shepard glared at Hackett when he started to laugh.

"Who was at the door?"

_No way in hell was she answering that._

"Bartender." Shepard grinned at him. It was technically the truth; the scotch had been Massani's.

"_Who was at the door, Shepard?"_ He wasn't asking this time.

_She apparently was going to answer._

"Zaeed. Who else? My life wouldn't be complete without two of you to fuck it up." The headache had started to go away but it was making her very cranky.

"And what _did_ Massani want this morning?" Hackett didn't seem all that amused either.

"'Me on the fucking bed,' end quote." Shepard bit back a grin at the look on the Admiral's face. "Don't look at me like that, you asked…I answered."

"And what was your response?"

"Do you want a fucking transcript?" Shepard glared at him.

"_Shepard_."

"I didn't get a chance to respond…he…he left." She needed to wrap this goddamn conversation up.

"Meet me on Intai'sei."

"Sure, because that went brilliantly the first time that we tried it." Shepard had no idea how she was going to manage a second trip without someone wanting to go with her.

"Tomorrow, 0900." He disconnected before she could argue.

It wasn't all that tricky in the end. She just said that she needed to make sure the damage to her home had been repaired. She was there at 0940 though, Zaeed had been…difficult. She finally shoved him out of the fucking shuttle and flew it down to the planet herself.

_Men._

Hackett was waiting outside her front door. From the look on his face, he hadn't particularly enjoyed the wait. "Get lost again?"

"Don't ask. You don't want the answer."

Shepard stepped around him inside the hallway. She didn't even get a step before a hand clamped down on her shoulder. Hackett spun her around and shoved her up against the wall. Her head settled uncomfortably next to the medi-gel dispenser. She opened her mouth to complain only to close it again at the look on his face.

_Intense._

If this is what it felt like to be prey, it wasn't a very pleasant sensation.

"Uh, Hackett?" She couldn't stand the silence after a few minutes.

He had a hand on her shoulder that kept her against the wall. His other hand reached down to slowly pull her shirt out of her pants. "I want you to _answer_ the damn question, now, Shepard. And then I want you to tell me what you left out about Massani's visit to your quarters this morning."

"Fine, I had a thirty minute argument with Zaeed about coming down here alone. I won." Shepard reached around to stop his hand. "Stop that, I'm trying to think."

"And this morning?" He pulled her hand away and went back to undoing the front of her fatigues.

"Something that closely resembles this, though I was on a desk not the wall." Shepard closed her eyes and sighed. "And before you ask, I didn't get a chance to dissuade him, kind of like you."

"Then let me give you the opportunity to _dissuade_ me." His hands immediately fell away and he stepped back.

"You…" Shepard slid down to the floor. She banged her head back against the wall. "This is fucking ridiculous. I need a drink."

"You drink too much."

"You sound like you're on fucking repeat." Shepard pushed herself up off the floor and headed into the living room. She scrounged around and found a bottle of ryncol that Wrex must have given her at some point long ago. She poured herself a shot and felt it burn all the way down to her fucking toes. She slammed back another two shots.

Hackett followed her into the room and grabbed the bottle before she could pour another shot. "I'm starting to worry about your drinking."

"I'm fine." Shepard set her empty glass down. She walked across the room to retrieve the bottle. She started to pour herself another shot.

"Put it down."

She froze and then, maybe it was the ryncol already in her system or maybe she just wasn't in the mood. Between Hackett and Massani, they'd been winding her up all goddamn week. She felt like a fucking yo-yo. Her emotions were in turmoil. Completely and utterly. She spun around and slammed her fist into his gut.

_Shit._

She dropped the bottle in her hand. It shattered on the floor, green booze went everywhere. She started for the door. A hand clamped around her ankle and yanked her backwards. She landed with a thud in Hackett's arm. He stopped her from struggling by wrapping his arms around her like a vice.

"What the _hell_ was that for?" He spoke in very even tones right into her ear. His beard tickled her a little.

"I have no idea." She dropped her head into her hands. "I am very tired. And very horny. And very annoyed. I am not a goddamn toy that you two idiots can keep tossing back and forth. I know what Massani wants. He wants sex…no strings. You are so full of strings that I don't see how to untangle myself."

"You hit me again, outside of the field of battle, and this is over. You understand?" Hackett eased his grip on her a little. "Though, I won't say that I didn't deserve it."

Shepard turned in his arms so that she was straddling him. Her hands came up to start unbuttoning his shirt. "I need you to go slowly with this…because I…"

He reached up to pull her hands away from his shirt. "No more Massani."

"Agreed."

"Let me show you just how much fun slow can be."


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: **

**And yes, I realize that Shepard's a bit of an alcoholic in this one. But it's going to play into the plot a bit.**

**Rated M for language...and…I think this story might get a little kinky at some point, fair warning. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

When Shepard said _no more Massani_, she had meant it. Things were just a little tricky for her. Liara wanted her to hack a terminal on Terra Nova. Zaeed had insisted on coming with her this time. He seemed to think she couldn't be trusted on her own.

"Fucking colonies."

Shepard glanced over her shoulder at Zaeed. "What is your problem?"

"There are too many goddamn Alliance uniforms strolling round." He nodded his head towards a group of marines across the street.

"I'm almost done." She glanced back at the terminal. "Actually, I'm done.

"Shit."

"What?" Shepard pulled the hoodie up over her head to shield her face before turning around.

"Hackett."

"How the hell?" Her attention was caught by a poster on a nearby wall. _Fuck_. "It's a goddamn celebration for the hostages that I rescued a couple of years ago. Hackett's the guest speaker."

Zaeed tore the poster off the wall and tossed it to the ground. "And _no one_ thought to check?"

"Incoming." She nodded towards a pair of soldiers heading their way.

He pushed her up against the wall. "We need a diversion."

"Let me go."

He smirked at her and then his lips crashed down on hers. She gave up on trying to push him away. He had an iron grip on her. She used his arms for leverage to keep herself upright. She wrapped one of her legs around his while he deepened the kiss. They needed to put on a damn good show.

They heard a chorus of whistles from the marines behind them, and finally, the sound of various boots heading away. Zaeed gave her one last kiss before letting her go. She stepped around Massani only to meet the angry gaze of Hackett.

_Fuck._

"Move it, Massani." Shepard bolted with Zaeed close behind. They didn't stop until they were inside the shuttle.

"No more goddamn human colonies." He gave her an annoyed look.

She nodded in agreement. It was post 0100 when she dragged herself up to her quarters. A bottle of scotch sat on her desk. _How very convenient. _She was on her second glass when the inevitable comm request from Hackett came.

"I am _disappointed_, Shepard." He didn't look disappointed to her. He looked pissed off.

She poured herself a third glass of scotch. "It was a diversion and I didn't get the chance to say no."

"A diversion?" Hackett clearly wasn't buying it.

"We were trying to avoid a group of marines. He just grabbed me." Shepard took a drink from her glass.

"Are you drinking, again?"

_Good news, he was distracted from Massani._

_Bad news, he'd noticed the alcohol._

"This is a glass with drinkable liquid in it." She stared at it with amused interest like she'd never seen it before.

"Put it down."

"What is with your obsession over my drinking habits?" Shepard took another sip. "It's just my…first glass."

"_Shepard_."

"Third glass," she corrected. She emptied the glass and refilled it again. "Make that fourth."

"Set the glass down, Shepard. _Now." _ It was an order.

She set the glass back on the desk.

"Good girl." He smiled at her and her fingers practically itched to grab the glass again. _Smug bastard._

Her eyes caught sight of the bottle. _He had specifically said glass._ Her hand snagged the bottle and she drank a good eighth of it in one go.

"Shepard."

"You said _glass._ This is not a glass." Shepard gave him an innocent smile before taking another sip.

"You've had enough to drink, girl." Hackett wasn't smiling.

"Commander?" EDI interrupted. "I've got an emergency message from the Shadow Broker."

"Sorry," Shepard glanced at Hackett with a sigh. She disconnected from him and checked the message from T'soni.

Liara had a lead on a missile base in the Skepsis System that had been hijacked by fucking batarians. They needed to at least try to intercept one or both of the missiles that had been launched before the entire colony on Watson was destroyed.

The mission went without a hitch until an explosion caught Shepard in the back. They managed to stop the missile headed for the residential district but not the spaceport. Zaeed carried her back to the _Normandy _MedBay. She spent three days lying flat on her stomach recovering from third degree burns on her back.

Shepard wasn't one hundred percent when she decided to stop by the Citadel. She wasn't even sixty percent. Her back was still in agony. Thane was starting to experience difficulties from Kepral's Syndrome and Kolyat had convinced him to go to Huerta Memorial. She wore jeans and a t-shirt to try to blend in. The crew needed a break and the _Normandy_ needed some supplies.

She paid a visit to Thane who was getting settled at the hospital. She was heading back to the ship when a hand grabbed her arm and dragged her inside a nearby C-sec office. She glanced around to find it empty except for one person.

_Hackett._

He shoved her up against the wall and she immediately dropped to her knees with a scream of pain. The burns on her back were not ready to touch anything that violently. She started to hyper-ventilate. Hackett knelt beside her as she hunched over.

"What the _hell_?" He lifted the back of her shirt to see the bandages underneath. She could tell that blood was starting to seep through them.

"I caught an explosion in the back. _Fucking batarians._" Shepard spoke in short gasps while she tried to get her breathing back to normal.

"You were the ones who saved Watson_._" Hackett applied medi-gel to the reopened wounds. "And that's why I haven't heard from you for a couple of days."

"Yes." She nodded. She tried to move but a stab of pain kept her stationary. _Shit._

"How bad was it?" He settled her shirt back down.

"Was it? It's still fucking bad." She spoke through gritted teeth.

"I could easily take you in right now." Hackett appeared to be thinking out loud.

"I will fight." Shepard tried to stand but pain kept her on her knees. "I'll lose, but I'll fight. And I'll hurt myself in the process."

He placed a gentle hand on her arm. "Easy, girl, what kind of man do you think I am? I'm not going to hurt you."

"A confusing one," she answered honestly.

"Let me help you up." He laughed at her answer.

With his arm under hers, he lifted her off the ground and into a nearby chair. She sat on the edge of the chair gingerly trying to avoid anything touching her back. He crouched in front of her with his hands resting on the arms of the chair.

"You message me in the evening." He tapped a finger on her knee.

"I'll do my best."

"Don't do your goddamn best, just do it." He kissed her gently then left her alone in the office.

Chakwas lectured her about wound care until Shepard was tempted to give the woman a damn wound of her own to _care_ for. She was sipping a glass of scotch later when she remembered Hackett's _request_. It was past one in the morning.

_Shit._

She sent a vid-comm request to him, forgetting the glass in her hand.

"How's your back?" He asked when he finally accepted the hail.

"Sore." She took a sip of scotch. It helped distract her from a lot of things.

Hackett was watching her in silence. She frowned at him, and then realized that he was staring pointedly at the glass in her hand.

_Shit._

"How much _are_ you drinking, girl?"

She started to make a smart-ass response but stopped herself and answered honestly. "I have no idea."

"You have no idea?" He looked _more_ concerned.

"No?" She moved the glass down out of his view. Maybe if he couldn't see the damn glass, he'd move on to something else. There was a knock on her door. _Damn it._ "Sorry to cut this short, but I've got a visitor."

"At 0200?" Hackett was annoyed. "Message me later."

Shepard disconnected without agreeing. She headed to the door to find Miranda waiting for her. "Up late?"

"We have a problem." She handed a datapad to Shepard.

She scanned through the report quickly. "What the hell is the _Crucible?"_

"I don't know. But the Illusive Man has agents everywhere investigating prothean ruins trying to find it." Miranda stepped into the room. "I sent this over to Liara already. She's going to see what she can find out. How long do you think we have until the reapers start a full scale invasion?"

Shepard handed the report back to Lawson. "A couple of months? Maybe? If we're lucky."

"What do you intend to do once the war starts?"

It was a fair question. It was one that Shepard had been thinking about a lot lately.

"I'll fight the reapers every way I can without actually being part of the Alliance. Hopefully, by then, Hackett will be too damn busy with the war to worry about chasing us down." She didn't want to think too much about that part.

"Can you drop me off on the Citadel?" Miranda asked.

"Ok?"

"I need to find my sister. She's gone missing." Lawson paced in the room. "I'm worried about her.

"Do you want us to help?" Shepard had liked Oriana.

"No, I need to do this myself." Lawson started for the door.

"Tell Joker to head back to the Citadel."

Shepard was standing in Dark Star Lounge working on her fourth shot of ryncol when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She didn't bother turning around. She knew who it was. She waved the bartender over and ordered another shot. _Hackett could go fuck himself. _ She'd just listened to the ANN report on _rogue former-Commander Shepard_. It had ripped her entire career to shreds.

She fully intended to drink until she couldn't remember what the reporter had said. The alcohol numbed the pain in her back. It also erased the look on Anderson's face when the reporter interviewed him about his _protégé. _ She'd punch that goddamn bitch if she ever saw her again. She slid the empty glass back to the bartender and ordered yet another shot.

The bartender just shook his head.

"I think you've had enough to drink." Hackett tried to pull her away from the bar.

"Let. Me. Go." She glared at the bartender until he poured her another shot. Hackett reached for the glass but she'd already emptied it. She was drunk enough now. The world was starting to blur at the edges. She let Hackett lead her away from the bar.

"How many chances do you think I'm going to give you to escape? Hmm? Did you ever think about that, Commander?" Hackett had tight grip on her arm which was a good thing because she passed out in his arms.

Shepard woke up the next morning with yet another migraine. She tried to lift her hand to her head but something caught her wrist. She turned her head to the right to find herself cuffed to a goddamn bed. _What the fuck._ She was on her stomach, probably because of the burns on her back. She glanced down to find herself in a set of Alliance fatigues.

_Oh fuck._

She turned to the left to find Hackett asleep in a chair. Anderson was next to him also asleep. She took a moment to get a better look at her surroundings. This was not the brig, and not an Alliance vessel. It looked like an apartment. She strained her neck to get a better look. It looked like Anderson's apartment on the Citadel. She'd seen it once before she became a pirate.

Her omni-tool was gone. But they couldn't take her biotics, so she still had a chance to escape, if she could get the goddamn cuffs off. She twisted her wrist around to test the strength of them.

"Don't even think about it."

She froze at the sound of Hackett's voice. "Morning."

"We want to talk to you." Hackett stepped towards the bed while Anderson watched from his chair.

"Talk?" Shepard glared at him. "I'm cuffed to a fucking bed. I have nothing to say to either of you."

"Shepard, please?" Anderson moved around Hackett. He reached down to uncuff her. "Just hear us out."

Shepard sat up in the bed. "I'm listening."

"Come back to the Alliance."

_That was not what she wanted to hear. _

Hackett lunged towards her but she froze him and Anderson in stasis before he could get a hold of her.

_Stupid bastards._

Her omni-tool was sitting on a bookshelf. She slid it back on then started for the door. _Shit._ Lieutenant James Vega was standing by the door. If she tried to freeze him in place, she risked Anderson and Hackett getting loose. She'd tried something like that once before. Her back was too fucked up for her to try to fight him and she had no weapon.

She snuck around the side to the second set of stairs. Then used a biotic throw to break one of Anderson's statutes. Vega rushed up the stairs towards the sound, and Shepard snuck out the front door. She caught a sky-cab back to the _Normandy. _They were out of the system within minutes.

* * *

_From: Unknown Sender_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: Better luck next time._

_Nice try._

_S._


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: **

**I'm trying to slowly work the ME3 storyline into this. So we'll see how well that works.**

**Rated M for language...and…slight kink. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Favorite. Follow. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

A week later, Shepard's back was healed completely. She'd ignored Hackett's comm requests for days. There was also a row of empty bottles of scotch on her desk. She tossed them one by one into the disposal while frowning at the report from their recent mission. They'd taken on a rogue mech facility.

_No more crazy mechs._

Liara managed to infiltrate the Alliance facility on Mars. She spent her time trying to figure out what the hell the Illusive Man wanted. The _Normandy_ headed to Arcturus. To get into the secure area, T'soni needed a code from Hackett's office on the station. Massani tried unsuccessfully to talk her out of it. He said she was a goddamn idiot.

_He had a point._

But they needed the information. They _borrowed_ an Alliance shuttle. Kasumi was so very talented when it came to _borrowing things_. Shepard snuck on the station and used her tactical cloak to avoid detection. It helped that at 0200 the station looked more like a ghost town then the fucking Alliance Command Center.

She found the code along with an up to date report on the reapers on Hackett's desk. She copied the contents to her omni-tool and sent them to Liara. She _should_ have left immediately. Instead, she pulled up the station map to find his quarters. The _Ain Jalut _had docked at Arcturus two days ago, so he had to be there. It took ten minutes to get to his front door. The bypass on the lock went much faster.

She wandered into his kitchen first. There was an Alliance mug sitting on the counter. She shoved it into the backpack that she'd been carrying. He had a bottle of really old whiskey on one of the shelves. She took a long swig of it. _Goddamn that was good shit. _ If she were smart, she'd leave now. Take his mug, and run like the wind, instead, she tip-toed down the hallway towards what had to be his bedroom.

He was asleep on his bed. A quick peek under the covers told her that he preferred to sleep in the nude. _Quick peak._ She slowly set the covers back down and started for the door. He'd already tried to arrest her once. If he caught her in his quarters on fucking Arcturus, odds were not in her favor.

A strong, calloused hand wrapped around her _invisible_ wrist. And then the cloak failed, again. _Goddamn T'soni._ The stupid thing wasn't supposed to do that anymore. She glanced down to find Hackett with an amused look on his face.

_Shit._

"You drank some of my whiskey." He sat up in bed with her arm still in his grasp. "What are you doing on Arcturus, Shepard?"

"I…" She found the view of his upper body very distracting. She shoved her free hand into her hoodie pocket to keep from reaching out to run a hand across his chest.

"Are you turning yourself in?" His hand turned slightly and his finger began teasing the palm of her hand.

"No."

"No? Hmm." He pushed the blanket away from his body. "Then, why are you in my bedroom?"

Shepard just stared at him. The hand in her pocket clenched around the fabric liner. "I…uh…"

"Are you _lost, _girl?" He tugged her down on the bed. She found herself on her back with her arms over her head. One of his hands held her wrists tightly, while the other slowly slid under her shirt. "How long before your crew realizes that you haven't returned?"

"An hour, maybe?" Shepard frowned up at him in confusion. "You aren't going to throw me in the brig?"

"I promised not to mix business with pleasure." Hackett pressed between her legs. She could feel him through her pants. "And you _need_ a lesson pleasure."

He set her backpack on the floor. Her hoodie, t-shirt and pants followed in quick succession. She'd been angry with him over the incident at the Citadel. But while the hand on her wrists was like a vice, the hand that explored every damn inch of her body was gentle. The tension that she carried constantly started to ease away.

Relaxing _wasn't_ something that she did…ever. The only way she got a damn minute of sleep usually involved a couple glasses of something strong enough to knock a Krogan on the floor. And yet, Hackett's hand lulled her into the most tranquil state she could remember feeling. When he slid into her, the first orgasm shattered whatever restraints that were left.

"Good girl," he murmured against her ear.

She hadn't meant to fall asleep when they finished and he held her. But she did.

* * *

Hackett was true to his word. He didn't try to stop her when she snuck out of bed two hours later. He stayed in his bedroom until she fled. He headed into the kitchen at 0600 and noticed that one of his unopened bottles of whiskey was gone.

_Damn it._

He worried about the frequency and amount of alcohol that Shepard consumed. Truth be told, he should let someone else handle the hunt for her. His involvement had gotten way too _personal. _But trusting another officer to arrest just didn't appeal to him. Besides, the time he spent on the ship were well spent, it allowed him to organize the fleets.

He started his coffee machine and noticed that his Alliance mug was missing. _The little thief._ He grabbed another mug and headed into his study. He took a seat in front of his private terminal. It was too early for Shepard to be awake yet.

* * *

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Awake?_

_When you wake up._

_Send me a comm request._

_Hackett_

* * *

The terminal chirped almost immediately. It surprised him to find Shepard on the vid. She stood in a set of black fatigues. She looked exhausted and she had a goddamn glass in her hand. _His mug._ He had a feeling that it wasn't filled with coffee.

"Nice mug."

"You need a better security system." Shepard grinned at him over the mug.

"What are you drinking?" Hackett already knew the answer.

"Coffee."

"What is in the _mug,_ girl?" He sharpened his tone.

"Coffee." Shepard hesitated with the mug to her lips and he knew she'd answer truthfully. "Coffee and whiskey."

His hand clenched around his desk. He needed to find a way to get her to slow her drinking down. "It's a little early for whiskey."

"I haven't slept, yet," Shepard admitted.

He heard a sound in the background. Shepard glanced over her shoulder, she spoke in quiet tones and then the comm went blank.

Three days later, he dozed in bed when the sound of his front door opening caught his attention. He heard a bottle open. A minute or two later, the bottle was set back down.

_He had an intruder._

Shepard stormed into his bedroom. Hackett sat up in bed. He noticed the lines of exhaustion on her face had gotten worse.

"Arrest me."

He frowned at her. "What did you say, girl?"

"Just fucking get it over with." She vented her frustration on the objects on top of his dresser, her hands slamming everything on the floor. "You don't want me to drink, but I can't fucking sleep without it. I'm running out of rope here, damn it. I'm trying to save colonies, take down mercs, prepare for the reapers and avoid getting arrested. I'm so exhausted that I have trouble using my biotics. The liquor helps me relax. The tension goes away. The headaches start to go away."

He shifted over to sit on the edge of his bed. "Come here, girl."

"No." She raged back and forth for a few minutes. "No. Just…"

"Just what?"

"Get the fuck out of my head." Shepard scowled at him. "Every time I go to pour a drink, I hear you…'put the glass down'. I need it. You can't add all this goddamn stress and then take away the one fucking thing that relieves it."

"They won't give you whiskey in the brig." He pointed out.

"Fuck you." Shepard spun on her heel and bolted for the door.

Hackett grabbed her in the hallway. He intended to get to the bottom of whatever the hell this was. Shepard struggled against him. "Stop it, girl." He hauled her back into the bedroom. He set her on the edge of the bed and crouched in front of her with his hands holding her firmly.

"Just arrest me and get it over with." The anger seeped out of her and he watched her wilt in his arms.

"When was the last time you slept at all?" He asked.

She shrugged in response.

"Answer me, girl."

"Here, in your bed."

_Damn_.

"That was over three days ago and you got maybe two hours." He moved from slightly concerned to very worried.

The clock on the wall told him that it was just after midnight. He lifted her up into his arms. She didn't struggle when he eased her under the covers and slid in beside her. Tension practically radiated from her body when he pulled her against him. He remembered the last time that she'd been in his bed and he let his hand slowly caress her body. It took over an hour of soft touches before her muscles began to relax.

And then, she slept in his arms.

She slept for an entire day. It was a damn good thing that it a Saturday. He used his omni-tool to respond to messages and cancel the only meeting that he had scheduled. The headaches worried him. Shepard, to his knowledge, never had migraines like L2s had. If her stress level had risen high enough to impact her biotics, that could have serious implications. He now understood her drinking.

She woke up several hours later. She'd slept for over twenty-four hours. Her eyes cringed in the bright light that flooded the room. He saw the moment that she remembered where she was. She started off the bed but he held her tightly in his arms.

"I want to tell you what Anderson and I had intended to suggest to you the other day." Hackett had been thinking about this long and hard. "Will you listen?"

She gave him a curious look when he asked instead of ordered. "Ok."

"The Reapers are coming." He started with the obvious. "And soon, very soon. I know that Doctor T'soni is on Mars. The fleets are as organized as I can get them but I need to be mobile to lead them. I need a command center that isn't on Arcturus."

Shepard's eyes narrowed at him suspiciously.

"You are clearly not interested in returning to the Alliance but you are interested in fighting the reapers." Hackett ignored her huff of annoyance. "I have a compromise to offer."

"I'm listening."

"I move the Command Center to the _Normandy_. We'll set up a war room on board. I'll bring a couple of marines with me. I can lead the fleets and you can continue your missions free and clear of the Alliance." Hackett watched her process what he'd just said.

"That's the worst idea ever." Shepard tilted her head to get a better look at his face. "How the hell would that even work?"

"I don't need the _Normandy _to run missions. I just need it for stealth and because it's the quickest damn ship out there. And you keep interfering in missions that I would've sent you on in the first place. We can pool our information, and you can't stop breaking into my office to steal my reports." Hackett chuckled when she glared at him. "You move shit around on my desk when you break in."

She grinned at him. "Sorry…actually, I'm not. It's fun. I still don't see how the hell that this is going to work."

"I already talked to T'soni about it. She thinks it's a great idea. We can rather quickly retro-fit the shuttle bay and the CIC to include a larger armory and more updated equipment and a war room." Hackett could see that she was warming to the idea.

"It's my _goddamn_ ship." She griped at him. "Where the hell are you going to sleep?"

"Oh, I think I can find somewhere to rest my head." His hand started to glide across her stomach down between her legs.

"You cheating bastard."

"If I was cheating, I'd just order you to do it, girl." He whispered against her ear while his fingers began to tease her.


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: **

**I'm trying to slowly work the ME3 storyline into this. So we'll see how well that works.**

**Rated M for language...and…slight kink. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Favorite. Follow. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

"And you said yes?"

Shepard rolled her eyes at Zaeed. "I've already answered that three times. _Yes._ For the last damn time, I said fucking yes."

"I'm not staying with that bastard on the ship," he threatened.

"Fine, we're in dry-dock for a least a month on the Citadel. You can feel free to take your shit and walk." Shepard didn't have time for fragile male egos. "I have things to do, Massani."

"Things or someone?"

"Bite me, bastard." She glared at him.

"Fine."

He pinned her back against the crate. His mouth descended on her neck. He held her arms against the crate while he kissed first and then bit down on the tender flesh. _The fucking bastard. _ He left another hickie on her.

"That was not an invitation." She pushed him away.

"Are you sure about that, Shepard?"

"I am currently…unavailable." She informed him.

"Really?" He gave her a knowing look. "You don't seem all that certain."

She ignored him and continued towards the elevator. She stepped inside and headed to the CIC. She needed a fucking drink, several drinks. The stress of everything was seriously starting to get to her. Purgatory had just opened on the Citadel so she decided to see if they made better drinks than Doran.

It took six shots of some purple Asari liquor to soothe the frayed edges of her nerves. She switched to ryncol, and by the third drink, she felt…nothing.

_Nothing._

_Nothing felt fucking good._

The bartender tried to cut her off at the sixth glass. Shepard _talked_ him out of it with the barrel of her pistol. Another glass of ryncol and she decided that the world had blurred enough for one day. She headed out of the club and made her way a little crookedly towards the elevator.

Her feet seemed to be having issues with the straight line concept. But she managed to get down to the dry-dock bay where the _Normandy_ currently called home. The airlock opened before she could reach up to touch it. Hackett stepped out and right into her. She wasn't sure which blurry Admiral was the right one, so she ignored both.

Getting up to her quarters mattered most to her at this point, she tripped over some of the wiring exposed from the retro-fit. Hackett's hand on her elbow kept her on her feet. She shoved his hand away and continued towards the elevator. Once in her quarters, she tumbled backwards on her bed. The room started to spin rather unpleasantly.

_Don't puke._

_Don't puke._

_Don't puke._

She repeated the mantra in her head until the wave of nausea went away. Asari booze always fucked her up. Next time, she'd stick to scotch or whiskey. Fucking purple shit was not to be trusted.

"Stop staring in disapproval." She muttered with her eyes closed.

"How often do you get this drunk?" Hackett's voice and footsteps kept getting closer. The bed bounced a little when he sat down.

The motion was not pleasant.

_Don't puke._

"Not enough." She peered over at him.

"Next time you need help relaxing, girl, you talk to me _first._" Hackett frowned at her.

"You can't tell me what to drink." Shepard's words came out a little slurred.

"Can't I?"

Shepard grabbed her pillow to cover her face. Her muttered curses were muffled by the fabric. By the fourth fuck you, she started to feel better. She shifted the pillow so it was under her head instead of on top of it.

"I am now stress-free." Shepard turned to look at her fish.

"You're drunk."

"Same fucking thing," she shrugged.

"How the hell are you going to defeat the reapers if you're drunk all the time, Commander?" Hackett asked.

"Shhh." She waved a hand in his general direction before rolling on to her side. "I'm going to need you to stop lect…lect…yelling at me."

Hackett reached out to brush her hair out of her face. It also moved it off her neck and gave him a great view of the lovely mark that Massani had left on her neck. Shepard had completely forgotten about it until the Admiral's finger ran along her neck and stopped at it.

_Shit._

"I didn't leave that mark on you." Hackett's hand rested on her neck, his thumb brushing along her jawline. "Who _did?_"

"Who the fuck do you think?" Shepard pushed his hand away. The happy buzz had faded away and she was pissed off about it. "You are killing my relaxed vibe."

"No one gets to mark you, girl. No one." Hackett's hand was back on her neck.

Shepard turned on her side to face him. "Look, it just happened. I…oh god."

She shoved him away and rushed into the bathroom. Maybe the bartender had been right about that last drink. She locked herself in the bathroom while she puked her guts out. An hour later, she collapsed on her back on the cold shower floor. She reached a hand up to turn the shower on. The cold water woke her up and soaked her to the skin. The door opened, Hackett had apparently grown tired of waiting.

"What are you doing?" Hackett turned the water off and squatted next to her.

"Sobering up." She reached up to turn the water back on but he swatted her hand away. She sat up and leaned against the shower wall. "I need a clearer head to talk to you about Massani."

"Have you told him that you aren't available?" Hackett asked.

On second thought, Shepard needed a minute to think so she lifted her hand and turned on the cold water full blast. Hackett looked slightly amusing. He was dripping from head to toe and pissed the fuck off. He flipped the shower back off then reached down to yank her up off the floor. He threw her over his shoulder and carried out of the bathroom. He tossed her on the bed.

"Stay." He ordered while he stripped out of his now soaked dress uniform.

Shepard ignored the command and pulled off her wet clothes as well. She tossed them in a pile on the floor. She didn't want the bed to get wet. Hackett moved on top of her, trapping her on the bed under his body.

"I think you're going to have to decide who you want, Shepard." Hackett frowned down at her.

"I did." She shifted underneath him a little, her legs spreading just enough to let him press between them. "I'm in bed with you, not him."

"Good."

* * *

Shepard woke up the next morning in what her Drill Instructor would have called a piss-poor mood. She sat up in bed to find Hackett sipping what smelled like coffee on the couch. He had a datapad in his hand. She rubbed her eyes with her fingers for a minute.

_Fucking mornings._

"Still feeling stress-free?" Hackett looked up from his report to find her awake.

"Fuck…something." She tried to massage her headache away.

"Maybe later." He set the datapad on the coffee table and headed over to the bed. He handed her the coffee. "This might help."

"Is it laced with whiskey? It really should be." She muttered before gulping down the barely warm coffee.

"We need to talk." He took the empty cup and placed it on the side table.

"No _we_ don't." Shepard lay back down with a grunt of pain. "_You_ feel the need to talk. You want _me_ to listen."

Hackett laughed for a moment before continuing. "The alcohol needs to stop."

"Oh for the love…"Shepard covered her face with the pillow again to utter a muffled string of frustrated expletives.

The pillow was yanked away from her face. Hackett perched on the edge of the bed. Shepard sat up with her back against the headboard. She pulled her knees up against her chest and rested her head on top of them.

"You contact me the next time you need to relax, girl." Hackett tapped his finger on her knee. "Promise me."

She glanced over at him in confusion. _Promise? _ "You want me to promise?"

"Yes."

She shrugged. "Fine."


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: **

**I'm trying to slowly work the ME3 storyline into this. So we'll see how well that works.**

**Rated M for language...and…slight kink. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Favorite. Follow. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

The argument had been loud.

_Very loud._

Hackett wanted the _Normandy _to head to Earth to pick up _Major_ Kaidan Alenko. Shepard personally hoped the _Major_ got his stupid ass blown up. She still hadn't gotten over his accusations. And she had no intention of going anywhere near Earth while the defense committee still wanted to toss her in the brig.

The _Normandy_ may have gotten some upgrades courtesy of the Alliance. But it was still under her command and the crew listened to her. Instead of Earth, they headed to Mars to pick up Liara. She'd finally managed to find something important. They stopped to drop Tali off with the quarian fleet first. They were waiting to make the jump to SOL and Shepard was hiding in the lounge. She'd been in there most of the night actually. Zaeed was passed out on one of the recliners and Garrus was on the other one.

The bottle of whiskey on the table in front of her was half empty, the two bottles on the floor were empty and she'd apparently lost a few hundred credits if the chips and cards on the table were any indication. _Fucking Massani_.

And that's when she realized a couple of things at the same damn time.

_She broke her promise to Hackett. He'd probably take that really well. _

_And maybe she did have a drinking problem, or a Massani problem._

She headed up to her quarters. She needed to sleep off the liquor and see exactly how many credits she'd lost the night before. She collapsed on the couch.

"Go away." She yelled in the general direction of the door when the unavoidable knock came.

The door opened a moment later. EDI apparently didn't understand the concept of '_don't fucking open the door to anyone._' Damn AIs. Instead of dealing with Hackett, she decided that sleeping was a much better use of her time. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

Hands on her knees let her know that he was now sitting on the coffee table directly in front of her, if the sound of his movements hadn't already clued her in. She kept her eyes closed. The Admiral was a goddamn patient fucker. Shepard's curiosity eventually got the better of her. She opened her eyes to find him with the same annoyed looked that he'd had the last time she saw him.

_Wonderful._

"I believe that you made me a promise not so long ago, girl."

Shepard closed her eyes again. _Fuck it and fuck him._ The hand on her knee tightened uncomfortably. "Look, in my defense, I don't actually remember much of the poker game. So it's entirely possible that Massani and Vakarian drank it all."

"That's a defense?"

Shepard cracked her eyelids enough to get a better look at him. "Maybe."

"Commander? We've got an incoming emergency hail from New Canton." Joker interrupted their conversation. "It sounds like the Blood Pack is raiding the colony."

"Tell Garrus and Zaeed to meet me in the shuttle bay." Shepard surged to her feet, a little unsteady.

"You're barely sober, Commander. You can't go on a damn mission if you can't walk." Hackett pushed her back down.

"Watch me." She shoved him out of the way and headed for the door. "Oh look, I can walk. EDI, seal my goddamn quarters. The Admiral needs a little_ time_ to himself."

"Yes, Commander."

Massani laughed all the way down to New Canton when he found out she'd locked the Admiral in her cabin. "You bloody lunatic."

Shepard ignored him. She leaned her head back against the shuttle and tried to pray for divine intervention. A miracle was definitely in order if she didn't sober up before they landed planet side.

An hour later, she had definitely sobered up. She'd also been run over by a Krogan and bitten by a fucking varren. With the Blood Pack taken care of, they headed back to the _Normandy._ Shepard collapsed on her back on the shuttle floor and waited for the pain to stop.

"You ok, Shepard?" Massani knelt beside her.

She waved him away. "I'll be fine. Nothing another bottle of whiskey won't solve."

"You've drunk all the damn whiskey on the ship," he chuckled.

That's what she liked about Massani. He appreciated the need for strong liquor and good sex without strings attached. Instead of indulging in either of those vices, she headed up to her quarters when they finally got off the shuttle.

Hackett sat on the edge of her bed looking over reports on his datapad. He looked…calm…too calm. He didn't so much as glance her way when she entered the room. She shrugged and then grunted in pain. Her armor needed to come off immediately. She slowly unbuckled all the pieces of her partially destroyed armor and tossed it in the corner.

Her body was currently a patchwork of bruises thanks to the goddamn Krogan bastard. She'd kick Wrex in the quad the next time she saw him just to make up for it. She wanted nothing more than to collapse on the bed but that required moving within reaching distance of the Admiral.

She huffed in annoyance but finally decided she was too tired to care. She eased on the bed careful to avoid any of the particularly painful bruises. She covered her face with a pillow to block out the extra light. Her eyes closed and she was just drifting off to sleep when he finally spoke.

"If you ever do that again, Commander, I will walk off this ship with you in cuffs and throw you in the brig until you rot." Hackett spoke evenly. "Are we clear?"

She mumbled a 'yes' into the pillow.

The pillow was yanked away from her face. She opened her eyes to find a very angry Admiral staring down at her. The _even_ tones in his voice didn't appear to match his actual mood. She pulled herself up into a seated position.

"I won't lock you in my room again." She clarified her _yes._

"Do you break promises often?" He asked after a moment.

Shepard inhaled sharply at the question. Her fingers itched for a glass filled with something strong. The drinking had definitely reached out of control levels. She rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands for a few minutes.

"No, no I don't. I usually keep my word when I give it." Shepard finally answered before changing subjects. "We should be hitting Mars in an hour or two."

"We need to pick up Major Alenko."

"No." Shepard got off the bed. She was clearly not going to get any rest. "He's not welcome on my ship."

"You can't run away from him forever, Shepard." Hackett stayed on the bed. "Stop being a damn coward."

She surged back towards the bed and just barely stopped herself from punching the Admiral. Her fist hovered just a few inches away from jaw. She forced herself to lower her arm. Hitting Hackett would not help a damn thing.

She needed a drink. That would calm her down enough to deal with him. She walked over to her desk to find the bottle of whiskey that she'd hidden behind her stack of books. She didn't bother with the damn glass. Hackett watched while she took a long drink straight from the bottle.

_Shit._

_When the hell had wanting a beer to relax turned into needing a fucking bottle to relax?_

With her hand outstretched, Shepard walked back over to the bed. She gave him the bottle, sank to her knees and buried her face in the bed covers. Her hands clenched around the blanket. Her entire body shook with the effort that it took to not grab the damn whiskey from his hand. She hadn't realized just how much tension that she was carrying.

"Shepard?" Hackett sounded concerned.

"Pour it out. Do it out now before I try to drink the whole bottle." Shepard's voice was muffled against the blanket.

She felt the bed move when Hackett stood. She listened to his footsteps move away and then the sound of bottle being emptied in the sink. A thud followed as he tossed the bottle into the disposal. Her hands clasped the quilt so tightly that her knuckles had turned completely white.

He sat back beside her and his hands reached out to gently uncurl her fingers. "Easy there, girl."

She glanced up at him. "I am open to suggestions for ways to relax that don't involve whiskey or ryncol."

"All you had to do was ask." He lifted her off the floor and back on her feet. His hands rested on her hips.

"Commander, could you tell the Admiral that we're just coming into the port in Vancouver?" Joker's voice interrupted.

Shepard stepped back away from Hackett's touch. "Joker, you get us the fuck out of Vancouver now. You get us to Mars. If not, I swear to god I'm going to break your brittle neck. And when I'm not so pissed off, we're going to have a talk about who is in command of the _Normandy._"

"But…"

"Now, Joker, NOW." Shepard's fists clenched at her side. The tension that had started to disappear was back. "Did you think that I wouldn't notice that we'd made a little detour? Did you think that I wouldn't notice Alenko on the ship?"

"Shepard." Hackett stood and started towards her.

"Touch me and I will break your goddamn jaw." Shepard held a hand up in warning. "Get out of my quarters. There's a spare cot in Life Support. But don't get comfortable. When we're done on Mars, I'm dropping you off on the Citadel. You lying goddamn bastard."


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: **

**This story has a mind of its fucking own. Don't ask me, I just hold the damn pen. lol**

**Rated M for language...and…slight kink. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Favorite. Follow. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

Shepard took refuge in the lounge. She sipped beer and tried to figure out a way out of the complicated mess that she was in. Liara wasn't ready for pick up, so the _Normandy _was _hanging out_ for an hour or two until she was ready.

"Why are you letting that bastard fuck with your head?" Zaeed spoke from the doorway.

Shepard didn't have an answer for that so she stared at her beer instead. "Do you have a drinking problem?"

"You have a stress problem." Zaeed sat beside her and grabbed her beer. "And that started with the fucking Admiral."

"That is an excellent point." She let Massani finish her beer.

"But?"

She shrugged, "I don't know."

"Hackett's not the only man who understands your...needs, Shepard." Zaeed tossed the empty bottle in the trash.

"I got enough drama." She started towards the door.

His hand wrapped around her wrist and pulled her back over. "No drama, Shepard, no stress."

"Zaeed."

He moved his hand to her hips and guided her slowly forward until she was straddling his leg. "I can be rough, or gentle. But mostly, I'm just goddamn good."

She was finding it hard to think with his hard thigh pressed tightly between her legs, one of his hands reached up to grab the front of her shirt to drag her down into a kiss.

"What the hell are you doing?" Hackett seized Shepard by the arm and hauled her out of the room.

Shepard shoved him away. "That is none of your damn business."

"The hell it isn't." Hackett grabbed her again and pulled her into Life Support.

"Why don't you face facts, _Admiral?_ You can't be my lover _AND_ the man trying to turn me back into a good, little Alliance Soldier." Shepard started for the door but the hand on her arm stopped her. "Not to mention the fact that I can't fucking trust you."

"This isn't over, girl." He tried to pull her closer but she placed a hand on his chest.

"This is _so_ fucking over. Let me go, Admiral." Her hand started to glow blue.

"I believe she asked you to let her go." Zaeed strode into the room. "Do it."

"Stay out of this, Massani." Hackett ignored the bounty hunter.

Zaeed yanked Hackett's hand from Shepard's arm. When you find a woman like Shepard, you take care of her and her needs. You don't fucking stress them into a goddamn drinking problem."

"I'm standing right here." Shepard found the whole situation…awkward and hilarious. "I'll just be going."

"Stay right…" Hackett never got the rest of his sentence out. Zaeed's fist cut him off.

Shepard used the distraction to head up to her quarters. Massani knocked on the door moments later.

"Can it wait?" Shepard's stress levels were reaching the bottle of scotch level.

"No, Shepard, it can't bloody wait." He grabbed her by the waist and backed her up against the wall. "Let me show you how to fucking relieve stress."

"Zaeed?"

He silenced her with a hard kiss. "No more talking, Shepard."

With one firm hand on her shoulder, his other hand slid from her neck, across her breast and down to the top button her fatigues. His fingers eased inside. Shepard had to grab on to his shoulders to keep on her feet. She gasped when his fingers began to tease her. She rode his fingers to climax. A strong arm circled her waist to keep her from sliding to the floor.

"How's the stress?" He slowly removed his hand from her pants.

She chuckled and her head fell back against the wall. "Tell me something, Massani. What do you really want from me? What was all that about with Hackett?"

"When someone trusts you enough to hand over control over any part of themselves, you fucking treat that like bloody fragile glass." Zaeed face hardened with anger. "He tried to use it against you, and that's just fucked up."

"That's only the answer to one of my questions." Shepard started to move away from him. But his arm stayed around her waist.

Zaeed bent over until his mouth rested against her ear. "The question is what do you want?"


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: **

**This story has a mind of its fucking own. Don't ask me, I just hold the damn pen. lol**

**Rated M for language...and…slight kink. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Favorite. Follow. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

The simple _pick-up Liara_ mission went from simple to cluster-fuck in a matter of minutes. Cerberus decided to crash the party. Shepard found herself fighting to try to save the Alliance soldiers. They managed to find Liara, and stop the Illusive Man from getting most of the data on the prothean device. _Most of it._

_Bastard._

The Cerberus insider was escaping in a shuttle when an Alliance Kodiak crashed into it. Of all people, fucking Alenko stumbled out of the shuttle and right into the hands of Doctor Eva, who turned out to be less human and more…AI. _Dumbass._

They rushed Alenko to the_ Normandy_ and Joker immediately headed for the Citadel. It wasn't until they were leaving SOL that Shepard learned the reaper invasion had started. She left Hackett, Alenko and the rest of the Alliance soldiers on the Citadel.

Hackett pulled Shepard aside before she left to try and convince her to change her mind about the Alliance. He failed. But she did agree to keep Lieutenant Vega and his buddy Cortez on the ship. They'd be useful and give her an excuse to access Alliance files.

The Admiral could deal with the fucking council and organizing fleets, the _Normandy_ was a quick ship better suited to fast strikes and delivering supplies to the front lines. Liara set up the Brokers terminals in her quarters and began finding colonies in need of immediate assistance. She also started working on figuring out how information on Mars could help end the war.

Shepard was in her quarters going over the latest reports on the invasion when Zaeed stepped inside with two glasses of whiskey. He handed her one, then sat on the couch and sipped from his own. She raised an eyebrow at him then glanced down at the glass in her hand.

"Do you want a goddamn nanny?" He smirked at her. "Or a fucking man?"

"Are you calling Hackett a nanny?" She grinned.

"If the bloody apron fits," he shrugged.

"That is an amazing visual." She drank from the glass then set it aside.

"C'mere Shepard."

She moved from her desk to sit beside him. Before she could sit down though, he yanked her over into his lap instead. His hand rested on her leg, his fingers gripping her inner thigh. She shifted in his lap and his fingers drifted a little further down.

"Need something, Shepard?" He kept his fingers annoyingly stationary.

"A goddamn man." She muttered in frustration.

"Hey Shepard, I've got an incoming message from David Archer. He's still at Grissom Academy. He says that Cerberus is trying to take the students." Joker always had impeccable timing.

"Set a course for Vetus." Shepard started to stand up but hard arm around her waist held her captive.

Zaeed's fingers continued their slow descent. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To rescue David Archer." Shepard had no intention of letting those bastards get their hands on David for a second time. "It won't take long to get within range of the school."

"Let me help you get into your armor." Zaeed's hands drifted to the top of her buttons.

"Help me into it or out of it?" She asked.

"Same bloody difference."


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: **

**This story has a mind of its fucking own. Don't ask me, I just hold the damn pen. Lol Seriously, I have no idea where this thing is going.**

**Rated M for language...and…slight kink. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Favorite. Follow. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

"The war needs you, Shepard."

Shepard found herself trapped in an office arguing with Hackett in person and Anderson over the vid-comm. She'd stopped by the embassy to check in with Commander Bailey. He had information about Jona Sederis. She was on her way to the Presidium when Hackett dragged her into Udina's office. Udina was nowhere to be seen.

"The war effort has me, gentlemen. The Alliance does not. If you've forgotten, the Alliance didn't want me. They wanted to throw me in the brig." Shepard couldn't believe she was having this goddamn conversation again.

"Commander." Anderson tried to reason with her.

Shepard kept her gaze focused on Hackett but spoke to Anderson. "Anderson, with all due respect, I am no longer a Commander in the Alliance Navy. That was might crystal clear to me. Now, I think you have better things to worry about than what I'm doing. I will help where I can, but it will be on my terms and it won't be in a fucking Alliance uniform."

She started for the door after Anderson signed off. Hackett's hand closed around her arm. She didn't bother glancing back at him. "Let me go, Admiral. I'm not interested in whatever else you have to say."

"Hear me out, girl."

She spun around then and sent him across the room with a biotic throw. "You ruined that all on your own, Hackett. And I've got nothing left to give you."

"Shepard."

She stopped at the door. She slammed her fist into the wall then turned to walk back over. She knelt next to Hackett on the floor. "I shouldn't have done that."

Hackett smiled then let her ease him up into a sitting position. "I put myself into an impossible predicament with you, Shepard."

"Yes, you did."

"Is the damage irreversible?" He asked.

Shepard started to make an angry retort but found herself caught by the look in his eyes. "Yes. Maybe. I don't know."

"The war effort needs you in whatever capacity that you are willing to fill. I'll tell what's left of the defense committee that the matter is no longer up for debate." Hackett stretched his hand out slowly towards her. She let him hold her hand. "There are bigger things to worry about right now. The Reapers don't care what uniform you're wearing. Cerberus doesn't care either. "

"I've been trying to tell you that." Shepard huffed in frustration.

"I should have listened." He let go of her arm and slowly got to his feet.

"Yes, you should have." Shepard stood as well, stepping just out of reach. "I don't think there's a reset button on all of this, Hackett."

"That's not a concrete no."

"Massani…" Shepard started.

"…will need to learn how to share." Hackett smiled. "And so will I."

"Right, and the reapers are going to turn into the tooth fairy." Shepard shook her head with a laugh and headed for the door. "I'll settle for a cease-fire on hostilities between the two of us."

* * *

Hackett watched her leave. He pulled up his omni-tool and sent a quick message off. And then, he waited. It wasn't long before Zaeed Massani stepped into the room. They scowled at each other in silence for a long while.

"The Commander and I are reaching an understanding." Hackett perched on the edge of Udina's desk.

"An understanding?" Zaeed looked skeptical at best.

"We have a mutual interest, you and I, in the Commander," Hackett continued.

"What the hell do you want, Hackett?"

"We can tear Shepard apart. Or we _share_." Hackett watched the bounty hunter carefully.

"You smug bastard," Zaeed chuckled darkly.

Hackett raised an eyebrow. "Two sets of hands on her body? You don't think she'd enjoy it?"

"I don't bloody share."

"Neither do I." Hackett shrugged. "You don't think she'll answer the command if I call her?"

Massani hesitated before responding, and Hackett smiled, the hesitation was as good as a yes.

* * *

Shepard was sitting on the edge of her bed looking over a report that Liara had forwarded from Wrex regarding the genophage and a research base on Sur'Kesh. The salarians were hiding secrets there. Shepard wasn't really all that surprised. She was surprised when the door to her quarters opened and Hackett stepped into the room followed by Massani.

_What the fuck._


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: **

**This story has a mind of its fucking own. Don't ask me, I just hold the damn pen. Lol Seriously, I have no idea where this thing is going.**

**Rated M for language...and…slight kink. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Favorite. Follow. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

Shepard watched the two men warily. They stood on opposite sides of her living quarters. Hackett stood by the aquarium and Massani by the desk on the far left of the room. She was still on edge of her bed with a datapad in hand. They weren't fighting, which was good. But what the fuck were they _both_ doing together?

"Why the fuck are…" Shepard trailed off. She wasn't sure of the right question to ask. "Am I supposed to pick one of you? Or…what? I am so confused."

"Massani and I agree on only one thing." Hackett waited for her to finish speaking. "And that's that we both want you naked in that bed."

Shepard looked from one to the other. "What?"

Zaeed moved away from the desk and started towards her. He crouched in front of her. He tossed the datapad in her hand aside and shoved the other ones beside her off the bed on to the floor. He rested his hands on her knees. She frowned down at him then at Hackett who had moved from the fish tank to sit beside her.

"…the hell are you two…" Her brain was struggling to catch up as Zaeed's hands moved up her legs, slowly spreading them.

"Hush, girl." Hackett 's hands began to move under her shirt. His lips teased along her neck.

"I…" She started to try to speak again but Zaeed leaned up between her legs. "Put this on the list of things that are going to end in very badly."

"The best goddamn things always bloody do." Massani muttered while his fingers slowly unzipped her cargo pants.

Hackett pulled her shirt up and over her head. It landed on the floor on top of her pants. She quickly lost track of whose hands were where. By the time the two men were finished with her, she was hot, sweaty and exhausted. She collapsed back on the bed with Hackett on one side and Zaeed on the other. Hackett's arm was draped across her abdomen and Zaeed's leg hooked over hers.

_This was a fucking terrible idea. _

She stared up at the giant viewing window over her bed and tried to make sense of it all. "I need more words than…'you both want me naked in bed'."

Hackett's eyes opened after a moment. "More words?"

"Goddamn words." Zaeed slid his hand along her inner thigh.

She reached down to halt his hands upward movement. "Yes, words. You two ….this will get complicated fast, and I'm the one that will be caught in the middle."

"You seemed to like that a moment ago." Zaeed grabbed her wrist and pulled it away so his other hand was free to move along her thigh once again.

"Damn it, Massani." Shepard bit back a moan when his fingers began teasing her. "Stop that."

"No."

Hackett's hand glided up her stomach to cup her breast. "Massani and I had a long talk after you left Udina's office. We both care about you, Shepard. We both understand your…particular…needs. And if we can…share…then why not? We can help you _relieve your stress_ together or individually."

"Do you have a goddamn preference?" Zaeed smirked before letting his tongue follow the path his fingers had trailed moments before.

"Cheating goddamn bastards." Shepard tried to shift around on the bed but Hackett restrained her.

"Together? Or individually? Just a simple question, girl," he asked.

"Together."


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: **

**This story has a mind of its fucking own. Don't ask me, I just hold the damn pen. Lol Seriously, I have no idea where this thing is going.**

**Rated M for language...and…slight kink. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Favorite. Follow. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

When the endorphin high ended, Shepard was left with a few simple facts to face. This so-called truce between the two men was never going to be able to last. They'd be at each other's throats again eventually. Her complicated romantic entanglements had gotten even more tangled. More importantly, she really needed to get out of the fucking bed. They needed to have a few conversations…separately…and together.

_Men._

_How the hell was this supposed to relive her stress?_

_She felt more goddamn stressed than she had before._

She decided to focus her energy on figuring out what the Illusive Man was up to. They'd interrupted Cerberus before they managed to attack the base on Sur'Kesh. The Alliance helped Wrex rescue the female Krogan. Shepard had the _Normandy_ try to track the Cerberus cruiser, but they lost them on the jump out of the system.

_Goddamn it._

The fact that they seemed to keep finding reaper tech whenever the terrorist organization was involved, that really started to worry her. She went over plans with Liara when an emergency hail from Tuchanka came in. The Alliance Spec Ops team was trying to rescue a downed turian vessel but were stretched too thin to investigate Cerberus' presence on the planet. Once they managed to take back the base from the assholes, Shepard had Joker had back to the Citadel.

Aria met with her again. The damn Asari was up to something, Shepard just hadn't figured out what yet. She headed back to Bay D24 only to find her two complicates waiting for her.

_Shit.i_

"Are you avoiding us, girl?" Hackett blocked her path to the airlock.

"I'm trying to fight a fucking war." Shepard avoided his gaze carefully.

"Liar." Zaeed growled into her ear.

She brushed him away with her hand. "I'm busy."

"Get unbusy." Hackett stood his ground.

"Talking." She pointed at Hackett first and then Massani. "Talking only."

Zaeed just smirked at her. He placed a hand on the small of her back to guide her into the ship. When they got to her quarters, she pointed towards the couch in an attempt to corral both of them away from her.

Their mutual intense gaze didn't help her focus at all. She turned her back on them to watch her fish swim around. She needed to organize her thoughts. The hand on her back let her know that one of the bastards hadn't stayed on the couch.

"I said talk…_not…touch." _She turned to find Zaeed standing behind her.

"So bloody talk." His hands moved to her hips. He pushed her back against the fish tank. "Am I stopping you?"

"Zaeed."

His tongue teased along her neck while his hands pulled the hem of her shirt out of her pants. "Talking is so goddamn overrated, Shepard."

"Fuck." She groaned when he slid both his hands under her shirt. "I'm serious. You two haven't said a fucking thing about how this is going to work. I don't need one more thing to worry about."

He turned her so his back was to the fish tank. "Are you feeling stressed, Shepard? I think we can help with that."

"Bastard." She tried to glare at him, but his hands were making holding on to annoyance difficult. "I can't think when you do that."

"Then stop bloody trying." He nibbled along the edge of her earlobe.

"Does the entire concept of _talking_ escape you?" She pressed her hands against his chest to try to move back. She backed right into the other goddamn bastard in the room.

Hackett's hands gripped her waist. He pushed her back into Zaeed. There are so many ways to _talk_, girl."

"I surrender." She muttered when Hackett's body pressed into her. She was effectively trapped between the two men.

"Good girl."


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: **

**This story has a mind of its fucking own. Don't ask me, I just hold the damn pen. Lol Seriously, I have no idea where this thing is going.**

**Rated M for language...and…slight kink. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Favorite. Follow. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

Shepard sat on the cot in Life Support nursing a glass of scotch. She'd stolen one of the bottles from Massani's secret stash. The _Normandy_ was chasing down a lead that Liara had found. Cerberus was on the move, and Shepard wanted to hunt the bastards down. The Alliance had their forces focused on the Crucible and curing the genophage.

"Is this a party of one?" Zaeed asked when he stepped inside the room.

Shepard felt immediately relieved when he wasn't followed by Hackett. "Want some?"

He grabbed the bottle from her and sat in one of the nearby chairs. "You seem…uneasy."

"I am uneasy." She sipped more scotch. "You and Hackett and me, it's a terrible fucking idea."

"True."

"Then why the hell are you…" She looked at him in confusion.

"Hackett seemed to think that you'd jump at his command. I wasn't going to let him just bloody walk away with you." Zaeed set the bottle of scotch on the table.

Her eyes narrowed on him. "You don't think this will last, do you?"

"Nope," he shrugged. "And I'll be here to pick up the goddamn pieces."

She turned her gaze back to the glass in her hand. "I'm tired of the fucking stress. Aren't the reapers and Cerberus enough to worry about?"

Zaeed moved the chair so he was sitting in front of the Commander. He took the glass out of her hand and set it in the floor.

"What are you doing?" She frowned at him.

"Staking my goddamn claim, I've fucking shared enough." His voice dropped to a low growl.

"But you and Hackett…had an agreement." She glanced up.

"Fuck the Admiral. I'm done playing by his goddamn rules."

"Epic fucking disaster." She buried her face in her hands. "This is going to go terribly wrong."

"Not for you or me. For Hackett? Definitely." He chuckled.

Her hands fell away. "If I had known being a fucking space pirate was this much trouble, I would have just gone to the brig."

"Liar."

"Ok fine, I wouldn't look good in prison stripes." She agreed with a laugh. "So why should it be you and not Hackett?"

"Have you seen me naked?" Zaeed smirked.

"The Admiral is no fucking slouch." She pointed out.

Zaeed shifted closer towards her. He rested his hands on her knees, spreading her legs a little. "I don't know, maybe because the only goddamn ulterior motive that I have involves getting you out of these bloody fatigues."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "The only ulterior motive? Really?"

He just smirked at her again.

"Did Hackett really think that he could just order me back into his arms and away from you?" Shepard's fingers toyed with the hand on her knee.

"What do you bloody think?"

"Why are you telling me this now? Why not tell me before?" She looked up into his eyes trying to find the truth. She felt oddly vulnerable at the moment, and it had nothing to do with the scotch.

"You needed to know what all the options felt like. How could you make a decision without knowing?" He covered her hand with his to stop her fidgeting. "You can't order someone into a relationship; the Admiral doesn't seem to understand that."

"I find you both attractive. But I can't trust him. Even now, I don't think I can…and…" Shepard trailed off.

He moved his hand from hers to the back of her neck to move her close enough to kiss. His lips covered hers. "Can you trust me, Shepard?"

"I clearly can't." Hackett spoke from the doorway.

Shepard groaned and hid her face in Zaeed's shirt. "Fuck me."

"I was trying to." Zaeed muttered under his breath.

"We had an agreement, Massani." Hackett surged into the room with his fists clenched.

"No, we didn't have an agreement. You made a fucking arrogant assumption that I didn't bother to dissuade you from." Zaeed stepped between Hackett and Shepard.

"Did you really tell him that I would jump when you commanded me back to you?" Shepard leaned around Massani to ask.

"I…" Hackett hesitated for a moment.

Shepard didn't need to hear anything more. She didn't mind the idea of playing around with orders in bed, but no one had the right to tell her who she should be with. She stood and moved around Zaeed to leave the room. Hackett started to reach for her arm but stopped at the look in her eyes.

"This is over. It's done. " She left Zaeed and Hackett to deal with each other and headed up to her quarters.

Liara stopped her at the elevator. They'd gotten a breakthrough on the data they'd been sifting through. Cerberus was heading for the Citadel. They needed to drop the _esteemed _Admiral off anyway, so she told Joker to head back towards station and continued on her way up to the first deck.


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N: **

**This story has a mind of its fucking own. Don't ask me, I just hold the damn pen. Lol Seriously, I have no idea where this thing is going.**

**Rated M for language...and…slight kink. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own. Anyone interested in the position?**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Favorite. Follow. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

Hackett disappeared the minute the _Normandy _docked on the Citadel. Shepard was preparing to leave again when Cerberus decided to try to take over the fucking station. She sent Zaeed and Garrus to secure C-sec HQ with Commander Bailey and find the fucking Salarian councilor who was supposed to be with Major Alenko.

Shepard went with Kasumi and Liara to find the rest of the councilors including _goddamn _Udina.

There was only one problem.

Hackett stood between her and the traitorous bastard.

"What's going on, Commander?" Hackett had a pistol in his hand though it was currently pointed at the ground.

"Udina got a little too power hungry for his own good. He's working with Cerberus to overthrow the council. The Salarian councilor has the proof." Shepard motioned for Kasumi and Liara to stay back.

"She's lying. The Commander never has proof. She's a rogue former Alliance officer who if I'm not mistaken was wanted in the brig not long ago and on the run." Udina stepped towards the terminal to open the doors.

"Cerberus wasn't far behind us. We only managed to delay them. He can't be allowed to open the goddamn door." Shepard moved closer to try to get an eye on Udina but Hackett followed her movements.

"Shepard?" Hackett's gun rose just a bit. "Are you sure about this?"

She lowered her pistol. "I won't shoot you, Hackett. So you can trust me and move out-of-the-way. Or we can hope to god that we can defeat Cerberus when he lets them through the door."

"Shepard's a traitor, you know that Hackett." Udina was really starting to get on her nerves.

"The Commander has never betrayed the Alliance. If anything, the Alliance betrayed her." Hackett lowered his weapon and stepped to the side.

Shepard found it momentarily difficult to meet the Admiral's eyes. The split-second of distraction was all it took. Udina's gun was raised and pointed at Hackett's back. Shepard dove in front of him while taking a shot. She caught Udina in the chest. It wasn't until she hit the ground with thud that she realized the burning sensation in her leg meant that Udina got a shot off.

_Shit. _

She was in the hospital getting patched up when Zaeed stormed into the room. "I'm fine. Just a little patch up job."

"You took a bullet for him." Zaeed appeared to be yelling at her.

She frowned at him. "Was I supposed to let Udina shoot Hackett?"

"Yes."

"That is not…" Shepard winced as she got off the hospital gurney. She waved off the doctor. They'd applied medi-gel and bandaged her leg. She just wanted to check on Thane.

"Can I have a moment, Shepard?" Hackett walked into the room.

"No, you can't." Zaeed blocked his entrance.

"I feel like I'm dealing with a pair of teenage boys. Seriously? Are you two going to have a bar brawl next?" Shepard had reached her limit.

"Teenagers?" They spoke practically in unison.

"If the age fits." She glared at them while shifting to her other foot. Her leg was starting to hurt. "I thought the point of being with an older man was that I didn't have to put up with this bullshit. Maybe I should look at a younger man? Vega's available."

"Shepard." Zaeed was not amused. The two men appeared to agree on that particular point at least.

"I am beyond over the added stress that you two have brought to my life. So figure it out. Either together, or both of you stay the fuck away from me." She ran a hand through her hair. "So make up your fucking minds."

"Together? Didn't we already try that once?" Massani glanced at her over his shoulder.

"Give us a moment, Zaeed, please?" Shepard nudged him in the back.

He nodded sharply before exiting the room. Hackett waited until they were alone before turning back to her. Shepard eased back up on the bed. If he needed to _talk_, she didn't want to trust that her leg would hold out.

Hackett moved closer until he could sit beside her. "I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I'm trying to apologize."

"For?" Shepard didn't intend to make it easier on here.

"I'm apologizing for not being as careful with you as I should've been and adding stress and for being a little too immature for my years." He placed a tentative hand over hers.

"A little?" She let him hold her hand.

"A lot." Hackett started to stand up. "I should probably check in with the council."

"Hey Hackett." Shepard didn't let go of his hand. "Thanks for lowering you weapon and trusting me."


	19. Chapter 18

**A/N: **

**I believe this is going to be the last chapter. I've just kind of run out of steam with this one for some reason. I might come back to it later.**

**Rated M for language...and…slight kink. **

**Beta: None, sadly, all errors are my own.**

**Bioware owns all. Sadly.**

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites. I don't usually write stories that are AS AU as this one will be, so I'm nervous about it.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review. Favorite. Seriously, I'll love you forever and ever.**

Shepard sat at the bar in Purgatory sipping some bizarre purple concoction. She lifted her hand to order a second one when the seats on either side of her were suddenly filled. Hackett sat on her left, Zaeed on her right. She rolled her eyes in annoyance, so much for a quiet drink alone.

"Ruin my buzz and I will shoot you both in your manly bits," she warned.

"The Admiral and I had a long talk." Zaeed placed his hand on her knee.

"Where have I heard that shit before?" Shepard muttered into her glass.

"We realized that it's your decision to make." Hackett ignored her comment.

"What?" She set the glass down to give him a confused glance.

"You decide. Him, me, both or neither of us. We won't pressure you into it. Whatever you decide, we'll respect," Hackett clarified.

Shepard didn't get a chance to respond immediately as both men got up and headed out of the club. She thought for several seconds then raced after them. She slid between the closing elevator doors and found herself trapped in the elevator with them.

"Shepard?" Zaeed looked at her expectantly.

"No jealousy. No bullshit." She held her hands up when they reached for her. "I won't be a goddamn toy that you idiots toss back and forth."

"Ok, girl." Hackett agreed while Zaeed nodded in silence.

"Then, both." She slid one hand up Hackett's chest and the other up Zaeed's. "Definitely, both.


End file.
